Arbitrary Box Office Results for the Weekend of June 2, 2006

The exciting(?) culmination of Vince Vaughn's and Jennifer Aniston's promotional bullshit relationship (s)hits the screen this week. Early buzz says that America's Most Horribly Unattractive Hottest New Couple have made America's Crappiest Movie--an amazing feat considering the tongue-lashing received by The Dumb-Vinci Code. Where will the box office take us? Let me be your guide!

1. People Need To Clearly Mark If They Write Spoilers (X3): $32.2 million. I'm (wrongly) predicting a massive drop in box office here--not for any particular reason, except for the fact that three independent sources have ruined parts of this movie for me, and I still haven't gotten the chance to see it.
   
2. For the Love of God, Please Break Up Already (The Breakup): $25 million. This movie will overcome the negative reviews because at least with this, there is a chance that people-that-have-vaginas can enjoy it.
   
3. Kill Me (The DaVinci Code):$16.2 million. The boring movie based on the boring book based on the boring research based on the boring painter.
   
4. Children Have Bad Taste In Movies (Over the Hedge):$11.1 million. After Teletubbies, I can't respect children.
   
5. Ving Rhames is in this movie (M:I 3):$6.3 million. A couple of years ago, Joan Rivers mistook Ving Rhames for Michael Clarke Duncan on the red carpet of the Emmy Awards, presumably because they are both large and black. I mention this because writing about "Mission: Impossible 3" bores me to tears.

Not making the top five this week: Poseidon, which thankfully will finally find its way to a shallow grave.

You may be asking what Jon Bon Jovi is doing at the top of the post. Well, what are you doing spending your Saturday night reading a website anyway? TOUCHE!

Arbitrary Box Office Results for the Weekend of May 26. 2006 (and the Results)
Arbitrary Box Office Results for the Weekend of May 19, 2006 (and the Results)
Arbitrary Box Office Results for the Weekend of May 12, 2006 (and the Results)
Arbitrary Box Office Results for the Weekend of May 5, 2006 (and the Results)
Arbitrary Box Office Results for the Weekend of April 28, 2006 (and the Results)
Arbitrary Box Office Results for the Weekend of April 21, 2006 (and the Results)
Arbitrary Box Office Results for the Weekend of April 14, 2006 (and the Results)
Arbitrary Box Office Results for the Weekend of April 7, 2006 (and the Results)
Arbitrary Box Office Results for the Weekend of March 31, 2006 (and the Results)