- Rob Schneider is a baseball player. Term de term de tiddly term. (Benchwarmers). $25 million. It's like the Bad News Bears, except this time all the characters are retarded.
- Speaking of retarded: America's children (Ice Age 2). $24 million. I'm going to attribute this continued victory to the Simpsons trailer, because the thought of people enjoying this movie just made me soil myself.
- Another Tarantino knock-off. (Lucky Number Slevin). $11.5 million. Slevin's not a word.
- Save the Last Dance at Center Stage where we will be Dirty Dancing with our Dangerous Minds (Take the Lead). $9.6 million. I bet the troublesome students put on a dance show at the end, shocking the establishment.
- Horseface: The Movie (Failure to Launch). $6.2 million. Women are dumb.
Not making the top five: A false self-esteem boost for five-hundred-pound women (Phat Girlz). I have no jokes, but literally half of Saturday night's crowd walked out ten minutes early because, and I quote, "That was 'dupid." I think you mean "stupid," my child.