Sunday, April 09, 2006

Arbitrary Box Office Results for the Weekend of April 7, 2006

The weekend is getting down to the nitty gritty, and that means it's time for me to make entirely arbitrary box-office picks based on the traffic of fourteen-year-olds at my movie theater. If I get them all right, I get a free gallon of wiper fluid!
  1. Rob Schneider is a baseball player. Term de term de tiddly term. (Benchwarmers). $25 million. It's like the Bad News Bears, except this time all the characters are retarded.
  2. Speaking of retarded: America's children (Ice Age 2). $24 million. I'm going to attribute this continued victory to the Simpsons trailer, because the thought of people enjoying this movie just made me soil myself.
  3. Another Tarantino knock-off. (Lucky Number Slevin). $11.5 million. Slevin's not a word.
  4. Save the Last Dance at Center Stage where we will be Dirty Dancing with our Dangerous Minds (Take the Lead). $9.6 million. I bet the troublesome students put on a dance show at the end, shocking the establishment.
  5. Horseface: The Movie (Failure to Launch). $6.2 million. Women are dumb.

Not making the top five: A false self-esteem boost for five-hundred-pound women (Phat Girlz). I have no jokes, but literally half of Saturday night's crowd walked out ten minutes early because, and I quote, "That was 'dupid." I think you mean "stupid," my child.


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4 comments:

Maggie said...

It's Sleven, not Slevin. Cause his last name is Sleven. Get it? :)

Melvin said...

Does Horse face the movie star Julia Roberts?

Maggie said...

Dude. I must be blind(er than I thought). Cause I even just saw a commercial for it and my eyes see Sleven. Maybe because my favorite number is Seven. But still... I went to imdb and looked and I know you're right, I just can't get Sleven out of my face.

Scott said...

hahah america's children ARE retarded, thank god im not the only one who realizes that