Saturday, April 01, 2006

Arbitrary Box Office Results for the Weekend of March 31, 2006

As a movie theater employee, I am privy to the inside dirt on any number of film-related inquiries. My theater is frequented mainly by urban kids between the ages of twelve and sixteen who go to the movies not to watch films but to fight, scream, and screw. With that in mind, read my arbitrary guesses for the weekend box office grosses.

1. Hustle and Flow II (ATL). $735 million. Never underestimate the mass appeal of characters named "New-New."
2. The Unnecessary Sequel That Will Undoubtedly Make Money Because It Has a Built-In Audience of Ankle-Biting Toddlers (Ice Age 2). $40 million. Bolstered by both the Simpsons Movie preview and the grassroots efforts of Tiger Beat's Ray Romano fanclub.
3. Die Hard in a Bank (The Inside Man). $12 million. THIS AIN'T NO ROBBERY!
4. Agent Smith Goes to Washington (V for Vendetta). $6 million. New advertising campaign aimed at Skinheads proves to be a success.
5. When Slugs Attack (Slither). $5.7 million. Everybody agrees: it's no Snakes on a Plane.

New Release Not Making the Top Five: Sharon Stone's Aging Vagina (Basic Instinct 2). $0.2 million. America collectively decides to hold out for 2007's Cinemax free preview.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i updated my lj especially for you! it's peepstastic. i must say i did enjoy slither, but i know snakes on the plane will be my new favorite movie come august. so exciteeeed!!!!