Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Busting the Hump

Who even wants to bust the hump anymore? There's no good Hump Day television since that giant, four-toed foot came crashing down upon us. Still...I guess these links will be good for something.
  • Cracked has their Summer Movie Preview up, AND IT IS FUNNY.

    • This shot-for-shot remake of [The Omen] gets released June 6th, a date that can also be expressed as – ho ho, wait for it now – 6/6/06. This is a detail the film’s marketing campaign has been careful to drive into the ground with all the quiet grace and tact of a retarded man using a sausage for a tent peg. Any movie whose sole reason for existence is a nifty numbers trick is probably not worth your time. Hold out for 5138008 Upside Down on a Calculator is BOOBIES: The Motion Picture instead. (It's got a surprise ending!)

  • Speaking of Fred Flintstone's giant foot, Something Awful has an exclusive peek at next season of Lost (via BestWeekEver).

    • Our format of weekly flashbacks from different characters is becoming a problem as the characters' storylines wear thin. Which is why I'm taking the bold move of having another plane crash. This will bring in enough new cast members that we can phase out the characters fans care about altogether! These new characters will include, among others, Sam Nietzsche, Jenny Kierkegaard, and Shakespeare McNotnamedafteraphilosopher.

  • I'm not entirely sure what this blog is about, but they randomly visited my site last week. It's kind-of-sort-of not safe for work-ish, but not really. It's basically interesting poetry intermingled with pictures of clothed va-jay-jays. Wha?

  • i-Mockery has a review of Buzz Bombers for Intellivision (also known as The Oldest Video Game System EVAR!!)

    • When you spray a bee, it will "magically" turn into a tasty golden honeycomb. I say "magically" because that's exactly how the back of the game box explains this transformation. In real life, spraying a bee would probably kill it - and possibly make it sting you in a final act of buzzing rage. In Buzz Bombers, however, spraying a bee makes it swirl around and turn into a honey comb. If you you manage to spray one of the speedy white killer bees, it will "magically" turn into a red honeycomb. Why it doesn't turn into a white one is beyond me, I guess the designers figured the color red suits the "killer bees" better. But if that's true, then why didn't they make the actual killer bees red too? My friends, we may never know the truth behind this great mystery.

  • Another Wednesday, another batch of Wednesday One-Liners from Overheard in New York. It was Fleet Week in New York, and that means all the sailors came home to open arms.

    • Girl to sailor: Well, without your hat you're fucking ugly!

  • And finally, make yourself a Simpsons character. Or make yourself a South Park character. I don't care. Just make something out of yourself or you'll never amount to anything and your mother and I will have to support your lazy ass until you finally move out of our basement to room with your imaginary brother from World of Warcraft.
Get a job. I'm here busting my hump every Wednesday for the last month, and you're sitting there playing Mario Kart and eating Cheetos!

May 24, 2006
May 17, 2006
May 10, 2006
May 3, 2006
April 26, 2006

1 comment:

Maggie said...

So, you're going to be a writer, right? Like books and screenplays? Remind me to read every book or see every movie you ever write. Because... I thoroughly enjoy the things you have to say. :)