Taking a Newsdump

It's been a pretty bland week on the news front. Then, today, CNN.com (which is not my sugar daddy) made me all asplooge with excitement. Several funny headlines or articles to present to you, the three people that read this site.

• It's a headline so brilliant that I'm not even going to bother reading the article for fear of disappointment: "Blind man: I was hit-and-run grannies' next target." It's got all the trappings of a funny article. Crazy old women and disabled people.
  
  
• A surefire disappointment compared to the last article due to its lack of crazy old bats and blind folks: "Chicken and egg debate unscrambled." It's about time they got to answering this bad boy. This is bound to be exciting! Wait, what do you mean it's really, really boring?
  

• Put simply, the reason is down to the fact that genetic material does not change during an animal's life. Therefore the first bird that evolved into what we would call a chicken, probably in prehistoric times, must have first existed as an embryo inside an egg.

• The Question: "What's in 'American Idol' Taylor Hicks' future?" The Answer: Two weeks of popularity, three years of desperate grasping at fame despite his inherent shittiness, and one death by heroin overdose.
  
  
• Another super-fun happy quiz! Who is this quote referencing? "It is the most anticipated baby since Jesus Christ."
  
  Is it...
  
  A. Jack Bauer
  B. Jesus II: The Sequel
  C. Fred Savage
  D. None of the Above
  
  If you chose D, you're correct. It's actually about the boring old baby of boring old Brad Pitt and boring old Angelina Jolie. I was more interested about the freaking chicken embryos.