Monday, September 11, 2006

The Monday Grind

Always remember and never forget some tasty links from around the net.

I didn't mean for that to rhyme.

Anyway, I have so many awesome links that I can't post all of them today for fear of your brain exploding. As such, perhaps you will get a "Tuesday Grind" tomorrow, which will run right into Wednesday's "Busting the Hump" which will lead right into Thursday's "Spoodles Stomps Your Head on a Curb."
  • My buddy Chris the Great has posted an exceptional new blog about today, whatever the date is (I always forget and never remember).

    • Prior to September 11th, 2001, the United States' biggest cash crop was corn. Post 9/11, that date alone became our biggest cash crop. Let's face it, tragedy sells (why do you think Shakespeare is so popular). Americans crave 9/11 information. It's been on the first three pages of over major news paper for the past 5 years. It's been on every major television network for the past 5 years. It's been on commercials, in mailers, in the movie theaters; on America's mind for the past 5 years. I suppose it never occurred to anyone that the only reason why we can't get over it is because it's in our faces 24/7. We have government commissions that update us every so often with the facts as they perceive it. Today we call them "press conferences". Twenty years ago we called it "Propaganda".

  • X-Entertainment's very own Matt updates with the first of his Halloween Countdown: a series of articles EVERY weekday between now and October the Thirty and First. Today: Funkins!

    • The set included everything one needs to make their Funkin fly, but the balloon was feeling its age and managed to pop on my first exhale. If you've never had the opportunity to try blowing up a fifteen-year-old balloon, I can't recommend it enough. The balloon "skin" assumes properties far different than that of any other material on the planet. For the brief moments before it explodes and becomes useless, you'll have a little slice of Mars in your hands.

  • Sick Animation updated with a new freakin' animation: MurShaq. To say any more would only result in a let-down for you.

  • Improv Everywhere improvises everywhere. For instance, at Yankee Stadium.

    • A few weeks before the game, Agent Lathan approached me about doing a favorite prank of his at the stadium. He stumbled onto the prank by accident at Fenway Park back in 2001. After leaving his seat at Fenway to hit the concession stand, he had a difficult time finding his way back. His friends started shouting at him, trying to get his attention, and pretty quickly several strangers in the section began shouting his name as well. Agent Lathan decided to keep it going by pretending he couldn't hear them and pretty soon the entire section was frantically yelling his name. He did the prank again at Shea Stadium in 2002 (this time on purpose) on a slightly larger scale. For the Yankee Stadium version, the goal would be to spread the prank over many sections, trying to get as many people as possible involved in bringing "Rob" back to his seat.

  • The question on all of our tongues: "Why should we care if Mel Gibson hates the Jews?" Shine on, Review the World. Shine on.

    • William Wallace himself was pulled over Friday afternoon after going 87 mph in a 45 zone in sunny Los Angeles. He was found with a bottle of tequila in his car and blew a .12, which is above California's legal limit. A scandal, to be sure, but not where the fun begins. In the sheriff's report, Gibson was said to have made some bigoted comments, such as "The Jews have started all our wars," and then asked the arresting officer if he was a Jew. Needless to say, the public has made a big hiss fit over this, and rightfully they should. Reason number one being that Mel Gibson is a big Hollywood star, an Oscar winner, so anything he does will be scrutinized in the public's eye, with a major emphasis on stupid, drunken, negative things. And Reason number two is that Jews are whiny.

  • Cracked gives the odds on the next nervous celebrity breakdown.

    • Aside from not having a role that people gave a shit about since “Wild Things”, her off-screen life appears to be in berserk mode. After filing for divorce from Charlie Sheen, she goes after her friend's ex-husband, washed-up rocker Richie Sambora of Bon Jovi? As if that's not enough, we next see her looking completely cracked out and performing in a giant champagne glass for the Pussycat Dolls. Between her newfound leather gear and Sambora's, they could form a horrific glam band like the world has never seen. If this doesn't easily spell out all the signs of an oncoming breakdown, nothing will.

  • iMockery wants you to revisit the good times of Ghostbusters II, a sequel so classy that it merits roman numerals.

    • In the end, Vigo's spell over Janosz is broken by a blast of positively charged slime. While it's fantastic watching him wake up and say, "Why am I drippings with goo?", I would've preferred to see him square off against Louis Tully (Rick Moranis) for the ultimate in clumsy nerd guy battles. You just know that would've been epic!

  • Retrojunk has all kinds of retro this ode to old comic book advertisements!

    • The idea is that: "They'll make your parents laugh - and help them kick the habit!". So the common wisdom of 'smoking these things will fuck up your internal organs and make you die' doesn't work, but a couple of knock-knock jokes will have them off the fags faster than you can say 'Joe Camel'? Come on! The sense of urgency and complicity with which the ad closes is somewhat disturbing. "Act now - before they light up another one!"

  • Proving once and for all that I probably have a vagina, here I am linking to Crown Combo's My Little Pony article.

    • Smurfs, Strawberry Shortcake, and even ET had video games in the 80s. It took My Little Pony until 2004 to catch up. The ponies had a lot of magic to pound into their video game since they'd been storing it up for so long. They held off on the 8-bit shit until it was time to break out the 3D Powerhouse.

  • Want to be a Supervillain? Cracked will light the way.

    • Despite the fact that 90% of costumed criminals characterize themselves as “grim loners,” super-villainy is not something one can accomplish alone. At the very least, you'll need someone to carry the loot bags out to the getaway van while you hang back at the scene of the crime gloating about your latest unstoppable scheme. But as the old saying goes, good help is hard to find—yet with a few hints on how to pull it off, you'll be able to assemble a top-notch criminal fighting force capable of battling a masked vigilante to a standstill for at least six minutes.

  • Something Awful has seen the American remake of Britain's "The Office." Now, they want you to see other similar-type shows!

    • India 24: Inspector Chattopadya is 5 feet and 7 inches of luxuriously tended mustache and carefully wrapped colorful turban, but the Famous Bombay Sing-Song Inspector is about to have the worst day of his life. Terrorists, the Ominous Red Hat Gang of the North, have stolen his wife and daughter, and he now has 24 hours to put on a most impressive show for the Sultan. Ha! Ha!

      Best Moment of the Season So Far:

      Sultan: Ayah! (stomps his feet and makes graceful sweeping gesture) OH! (Laughs uncontrollably)

      The Sing-Song Inspector: Chloe! I must do unauthorized dance! No time to explain!

      Chloe: (sings eight minute song)

  • Cracked. Time Travel. Check.

    • If you have arrived dressed in clothing that resembles your own wardrobe, but is unusually colorful and constructed of cheap, non-standard materials, it is safe to assume that you have arrived in the future by magical, fantastic or otherwise scientifically untenable means at the convenience of popular entertainment. It is extremely likely that you are a famous person, or will be/have been recognized as one at some point after your death.

No comments: