The Chronicle: Chronicling Chronicles of Things to Be Chronicled

• The Pope apologized to Muslims around the world today after they were offended by his speech about Islam, in which he said that Muhammed brought "things only evil and inhuman" to religion. He went on to say, "What I meant to say was, "Muhammed brought things NOT only evil and inhuman to religion, but also a steady flow of convenience store employees."
  


• Some college dormatories feature increased amenities, such as the option of personal maids and plenty of room for plasma-televisions, adding a large amount of credence to my theory that "Rich people are a bunch of fuckers."
  


• Skinny models are kicked off the runway for being a bad influence. It is finally Rosie O'Donnell's day to shine!
  
• Microsoft announced its new competitor for Apple's iPod, called the Zune, apparently named by throwing a dart at a corkboard full of letters.
  


• Spinach has been infected with E. coli across the nation, frustrating everybody except for this guy.