Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Busting the Hump without underpants

You heard me. Completely nude under these jeans.

UPDATE: Thanks to Wes (of Scary Crayon and Wesoteric) for directing me to part of the Clinton/FOX News video. You can watch it here.
  • Pholby of Progressive Boink fame brings a profile of everybody's favorite professional wrestler, Kurt Angle (p.s. I don't watch wrestling, so he may not really be everyone's favorite wrestler).

    • In other words, Kurt Angle didn't have the sense to quit when he should have long before he even considered professional wrestling. The only thing that drives Kurt Angle is being Kurt Angle: An insatiable desire to be the best, and to never stop. He is what he is; the fact that professional wrestling plays into that is almost a coincidence. After his amateur career was over, he just needed something he could apply himself to and excel at, and wrestling was as good as anything else. I don't doubt that Kurt Angle loves pro wrestling, I just think that he came to love it because of what it could do for him, as opposed to what it is. It is something he can completely apply himself to, and completely excel at.

  • It's like X-Entertainment says: t'aint nothing scarier than a scary, flying ghost.

    • You weren't putting batteries up the ghost's ass just for the sheer thrill of it; no, those three "AAs" allow the ghost to slide up and down the cable, spinning as he does. It works really well. The ghost's movement is ostensibly controlled by loud noises, but I've found that he just comes alive whenever he damn well pleases. It's not like you'll have to stand around clapping like a dickhead to have him get on with the dog & pony show -- he'll dance whenever the mood strikes, and the mood seems to strike pretty often.

  • Cracked tells you what to expect for the new Fall TV season!

    • Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
      With the creator of The West Wing and a star of Friends on a show about Saturday Night Live, NBC has created a juggernaut out of three of television’s top-rated series. This show is a guaranteed success, and it's no wonder that NBC is the number one network.

      That's what we would have written if this show had premiered six years ago.

  • Cockeyed gives you the facts, Jack, on About.com.

    • Notice how the green content of the page takes that little zigzag on the page, switching from the second column to the third column? It leads your eyes right onto an ad, and it requires a moment to retrace the vein of content. I don't know who invented that zigzag content structure, but I hope they got a raise. Depending on your perspective, that designer is either a genius or a rat-bastard.
  • If you think candy is too unhealthy, iMockery has Fifty Things You Can Give Out Instead of Candy. Or, as I like to call it, Fifty Ways to Get Your House Egged.

    • 8.) Fortune cookies. But be sure to replace all the real fortunes with spooky Halloween ones like "You're gonna die tonight!" or "Your family is stalked by cancer."

  • Bill Clinton really gave FOX News the what-for last Sunday, but FOX is blocking release of the video on websites. Here is the transcript of FOX News' interview with the future First Lady.

    • CLINTON: Did you ever ask that? You set this meeting up because you were going to get a lot of criticism from your viewers because Rupert Murdoch’s supporting my work on climate change. And you came here under false pretenses and said that you’d spend half the time talking about — you said you’d spend half the time talking about what we did out there to raise $7-billion-plus in three days from 215 different commitments. And you don’t care.

  • X-Entertainment has a web comic entitled Ghost With the Most, putting all other web comics to shame.

  • The Jay is back again, and he's brought a few opinions on the new season of television with him.

    • Jamie Pressley has gotten naked in over three movies, did a sweet layout in Playboy, made out on camera with Tiffani Amber-Thiessen in a hot tub, viciously spoofed Kirsten Dunst in Not Another Teen Movie, AND once described Howard Stern’s looks by saying “You got slapped with a yarmulke”. I think it’s high time we reward her for her unending public service and start tuning in to My Name Is Earl (Not to mention she’s actually really funny).

  • Lowtax may have gotten beaten up, but he's got an awesome story to tell about his encounter with crappy motion picture director Uwe Boll. Check out part one.

    • It was kind of sad, but from one day of filming, I learned a lot about the way Uwe Boll functions and how his own cast and crew perceives him: as a big kid letting them play in his sandbox. I actually heard the "big kid / sandbox" analogy from them quite frequently during my trip, but I won't mention specific names because I cannot comprehend the shame of being fired from a Uwe Boll production. Where the hell do you go in life from there? What else is there left to fail at? I feel sorry because it seems a majority of folks working for Uwe Boll are trying to work their way up the ladder, under the false impression that being a stage assistant for "Postal" will somehow lend their resume sufficient padding when they try to find a real job that doesn't involve fart jokes and repeated impromptu rapes.

  • iMockery builds a gingerbread house, except for Halloween!

    • Well, when you fuck up, fuck up big-time. I made the roof of that house look like it took a run through a Silly String factory. I also tried putting the sprinkles on it, and as you can see, the only ones that really stayed on fell into the crevasse in the center of the roof. The rest just fell off the house completely... so much for the sprinkles. Oh well, at least I was able to finally get that bastard chimney to stand up by loading it up with more of the orange icing and bracing it against a few of the precious jelly beans that were included with the house.

  • Overheard in New York updates with Wednesday One-Liners. Every Wednesday. Yeah, for real.

    • Guy: I don't discriminate based on race, but you in particular are a suspicious-looking motherfucker.

  • The spookiest Halloween update of the season comes from Mystie at Crown Combo!

    • The Story of Menstruation has been nothing more than a footnote on a few Disney myth sites. To me it means a little more, as strangely enough, this 1946 film was shown to my entire female 4th grade class. Thank goodness they did it when they did, because by fifth grade it would have been too late. I was one of those poor girls that had to sneak into the bathroom and change her pad before recess. That's some real life horror for you.

  • Cracked brings you all of your favorite Sunday comic strips. Except maybe they are terrifyingly vulgar now.

  • iMockery brings you all of your favorite Friday the 13th kills. They've, of course, always been terrifyingly vulgar.

    • Jason slashes his way into Judy's tent and what does she do? She somehow reverts back to the knowledge she possessed at age 5: if a monster comes into your room, hide under the covers and it can't get you. She crawls under her sleeping bag and quivers with fear. Sorry Judy, Jason doesn't live by those childhood monster rules. He drags her out of the tent, still in her sleeping bag and walks her over to a tree while she screams in a crazed panic.

1 comment:

Wes said...

Here's the first part of the Clinton interview:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=9026120716999978732&sourceid=docidfeed&hl=en

I forget the exact URL of the remaining part (and I'm not sure if it's been removed by this point), but I came across it somewhere on YouTube. The part I've linked is easily the best part, though.