Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Busting the Hump: August 2, 2006 Edition

It's Wednesday. It's steamy outside. Some of us are hot and sticky, coated in a glaze of sugar and egg and dusted with cinnamon until I CAN'T GO ON I WANT A CINNABON!
  • The Perry Bible Fellowship is back, and it's morbidly funny this week. Enjoy it.

  • Will Ferrel. We all love him in small doses. And what better doses than his ten best SNL skits, courtesy of Cracked?

    • Why Only Ferrell Could Make it Golden: What is amazing to see is how hard Ferrell tries to make what is clearly a losing sketch work. He completely gives himself over even though it’s only dress rehearsal.
      Highlight: When he refuses to stop ringing his prospector bell as Chris Kattan tries to deliver his lines.

  • Mystie at CrownCombo has posted a new review: the Get In Shape Girl exercise kits.

    • Now that adults are treating childhood obesity like it's colon cancer, it's a perfect opportunity to bring back Get in Shape Girl. The license has changed from the beloved Hasbro, makers of Transformers and My Little Ponies, to Arbor Toys. Arbor toys is mainly known for their Pretend Play toys like Disney Princess dress-up and the McDonald's cash register. It's no biggie, you'd have to work pretty hard to fuck up a toy line like Get in Shape Girl. Take dash of sweatbands, a water bottle, and about 50 tons of pink and purple -- VIOLA!

  • Cracked has Jew-hater Mel Gibson's Jew-hatin' police report.

    • Mr. Gibson then failed the field sobriety test in all respects: recited alphabet in German rather than in English as requested; repeatedly gave the Zeig Heil salute when attempting to touch nose; could not walk a straight line. (In fairness to Mr. Gibson, he increased the difficulty of the task by insisting on walking in goose step fashion while wearing jackboots.)

  • I am linking to Decker's latest article at I Am My Own Damn Blog. Nostradamus has forseen it.

    • Have we considered the political climate of the age Nostradamus lived in? Europe had just gotten over something called the "Hundred Years' War" a name that is innacurate as the war actually lasted 116 years (yes Sarah, I know that it wasn't actually one war but a series of related conflicts; sorry to steal your thunder). In that context, I think it was a pretty safe prediction that there would be a big battle in Europe at some point in every century. That's as easy as predicting that at some point in the 20th Century, a leader of a great nation will commit an infidelity and have an affair, which was another "brilliant prophecy" which clearly specifically predicted the trials of Bill Clinton. It's like predicting that at some point in the 22nd century, a leader of a great nation will be incompetent.

  • There's actually a site called "," and it has an article about the worst product placement in movie history.

    • “Converse, vintage 2004.” Never before has one line sunk a movie so fast. The first ten minutes of Alex Proyas’ I, Robot contains more examples of product placement than any other film I’ve seen, and there are none more odious than the completely unnecessary scene in which Will Smith reveals he wears Chucks. Who gives a shit, asshole? How about you go fight some fucking robots and stop trying to sell me trainers?

  •, which is apparently the hot spot for all of those gay gamers out there, has an article about the twenty gayest characters in all video games.

    • [O]ur number 5 slot is filled by The King of All Cosmos. More pompous, vain and bitchy than a dressing room full of drag queens, and shall we say a… theatrical fashion sense. Purple form fitting cat suit, frilly collar, cape, rainbow headpiece, crown, six pack, prominent package, and facial hair that would make the most seasoned leather bar patron seethe with jealousy. And of course, there are his “Royal Rainbow” powers. This guy is so gay that when he opens his mouth, a rainbow comes out…literally.

  • Overheard In New York has their weekly Wednesday One-Liners, and they're awesome this week.

    • Conductor: This is an express, uptown C train. You heard right: an express C train. Next stop: 125th Street. If you need local service on the Upper West Side, please transfer across the platform to the D, as in "Daddy done did it" or B, as in "bad boy Bobby Brown" train.

  • Cracked has the nine most spin-off-worthy characters in movies. I don't like most of them.

    • Pitch: The entire [Office Space] original cast returns, though Root is now the focus. Milton, having now had his desk actually moved off the premises, finally flips out and goes on the office killing spree that temps everywhere have spent their lunch hours daydreaming about for decades. Mike Judge is gone but Brian De Palma happily takes the reigns.

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