Wednesday, August 02, 2006

The Daily Chronicle: Wednesday, 8-2-06

All compact discs are 50% off at the Harrisburg-area Boscov's. Now you know.
  • To promote wildlife protection, NBA superasian Yao Ming is giving up shark-fin soup. In a show of solidarity, I am proud to say that I, too, will never eat shark-fin soup again.

  • "Survey: Most Obese Claim to Eat Healthy." In another recent survey, most obese are dirty fucking liars.

  • In what for some reason amounts to "news," somebody pontificates on what Mel Gibson's characters would tell him about his recent Jew-hate bender. Meh, they probably all hate Jews as well.

  • "Myths and Truths About Coping in Hot Weather."
    • MYTH: You can stay beat the heat by bathing in the blood of your enemies.
    • TRUTH: Heathens' blood is not a breathable substance, and as such it will make you significantly warmer. Stick with Gore-tex.

  • "Love affair with cars starts to skid." Right around the time his penis got caught in the exhaust pipe.

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