All compact discs are 50% off at the Harrisburg-area Boscov's. Now you know.
- To promote wildlife protection, NBA superasian Yao Ming is giving up shark-fin soup. In a show of solidarity, I am proud to say that I, too, will never eat shark-fin soup again.
- "Survey: Most Obese Claim to Eat Healthy." In another recent survey, most obese are dirty fucking liars.
- In what for some reason amounts to "news," somebody pontificates on what Mel Gibson's characters would tell him about his recent Jew-hate bender. Meh, they probably all hate Jews as well.
- "Myths and Truths About Coping in Hot Weather."
- MYTH: You can stay beat the heat by bathing in the blood of your enemies.
- TRUTH: Heathens' blood is not a breathable substance, and as such it will make you significantly warmer. Stick with Gore-tex.
- "Love affair with cars starts to skid." Right around the time his penis got caught in the exhaust pipe.