Arbitrary Box Office Results for the Weekend of August 25, 2006

School is for fools. So are all of the new movies.

1. Football: The Movie Based on the True Life Story Based on the Sport (Invincible): $16.2 million. Marky Mark in his big-screen debut.
   
2. NASCAR: The Movie Based on the Tired Schtick Based on the Hairy Naked Guy (Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby): $11.3 million. His best since Bewitched.
   
3. Snakes: The Movie Based on the Snakes Based on the Plane (Snakes on a Plane): $8.6 million. I'M SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THESE MONSTERTRUCKIN' SNAKES ON THIS MONSTERTRUCKIN' PLANE!
   
4. Beer: The Movie Based on the Beverage Based on Barley (Beerfest):$7.4 million. From the people that brought you Nothing Worthwhile Ever.
   
5. Hey Ya: The Movie Based on the Song Based on the Words "Hey Ya" (Idlewild): $7.3 million. It's crap.