Saturday, August 26, 2006

My very excited mother just served us nachos

In a stunning attack on mnemonic-device-fans everywhere, mischievous scientists have classified Pluto as a "dwarf planet," effectively removing it (and pizza) from elementary school curriculums around the world.

But why the sudden change? Well, apparently Pluto doesn't fit into the new list of planet regulations (from BBC News).
  • it must be in orbit around the Sun
  • it must be large enough that it takes on a nearly round shape
  • it has cleared its orbit of other objects
So Pluto, apparently, is far too oblong to remain a planet. However, new planets are popping up left and right as more and more items are deemed to fit within the newly-defined categories. Today, we focus on our newest official planet.

Look at the facts, Jack. Rosie O'Donnell is:
  • a) In orbit around the sun.
    • To be fair, as inhabitants of this planet Earth, we are all running circles around that star we call our sun.
  • b) Very, very round.
    • I reckon we could roll Rosie right into that pit of tar down the road. Just give her a nudge and gravity will do the rest.
  • c) Clearing her orbit of all other objects
    • Believe you me: when Rosie careens toward the buffet line, you'd better believe that everybody in her path either dives for cover or meets a most grisly fate.
It's time to start formulating new tricks to help us memorize our solar system. The "R" for Rosie should not be too difficult, but watch out when we have to add the Drew Carey Nebula.

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