Burn this city. It's time for a weekend.
- Diablo Cody--former Catholic schoolgirl, once a stripper, and now a major motion picture screenwriter. She's just one "sleeps with nerds" away from being the girl of my dreams.
- Mel Gibson was arrested today under the suspicion of DUI. However, further investigation showed that he was merely a "crazy fucker."
- "Lance Bass is gay. So now what?" A quick fade back to obscurity, most likely.
- "Child rape minister to serve life." Now what's the point in making somebody a minister of child rape if they can't rape a few children?
- A Texas strip club is preparing a river tubing trip with its strippers. No life vests needed, as all women are equipped with their own floatation devices.
- ZING!
- CAPITALISM ATTACK! Dastardly food companies are using Internet games to attract children to their products. I yearn for the good old days when food companies never advertised to children and smiling bees sold us cereal."
- A 288-pound man received 288 pounds in jelly beans during a tour of the Jelly Belly factory. It is expected that, next time he goes, he will receive 350 pounds in jelly beans.
- In Kansas, illicit materials such as marijuana, crack, and various pipes were found in various decorative plants outside of a checkpoint, giving new meaning to the phrase "potted plants."
- DOUBLE ZING!
- A 19-year-old chess champion plummeted to her death while competing in a tournament. Great. One more sport I'm afraid to play.
1 comment:
I really enjoyed Clerks II. I'm going in to apply at the amc here in West Chester today. Hopefully they'll have an opening.
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