Friday, July 14, 2006

The Daily Chronicle: The Week of Friday July 14 through Saturday July 22

Friday is when I usually do the "weekend wrap-up" Daily Chronicle, but SURPRISE! I have a week of vacation coming up, so this is the last you'll get until Sunday July 23, when I'm back up and running. Remember the good times.
  • Hurricane shelters have begun to segregate sex offenders from non-sex-offenders. George Bush doesn't care about child molestors.

  • DOG ATTACK! Big Red, a rooster that brought fame to a small Oregon town and touched everyone's hearts, was mauled and killed by a vicious dog this week. Like a Disney film gone horribly wrong.

  • Galapagos Island Finches named after Charles Darwin are shown to be evolving. Or, as Krazy Khristians call it, "blaspheming."

  • After viewing the destruction of Hurricane Katrina, Mr. T has decided to shed his gold chains. Yes, we all have to make sacrifices in these trying times.

  • "Quiz: Will you be fat in ten years?" Answers: Yes and yes.

  • "Woman calls 911 to hook up with cute cop." In her defense, she meant to call 1-900-PoPo-Sex.

  • "Vegas sex workers demand rights, respect." Also demand no anal without advance payment.

  • Meanwhile, Australian sex workers are frustrated with all the Asian competition. Maybe it's time to move to Vegas.

  • A white Baltimore Orioles player was immortalized in a suspiciously black bobblehead doll. George Bush doesn't care about bobbleheads.


Anonymous said...

i'm going to dare to say that you're better than best week ever.

Spoodles said...

Thank you kindly, anonymous stranger. Be sure to come back next Sunday for new content (and tell your friends)!

Anonymous said...

will do. have a good vacation!

Charlie D. said...

I decided it was time for me to get into the "weekly roundup" game, too. Yours is great.