Friday is when I usually do the "weekend wrap-up" Daily Chronicle, but SURPRISE! I have a week of vacation coming up, so this is the last you'll get until Sunday July 23, when I'm back up and running. Remember the good times.
- Hurricane shelters have begun to segregate sex offenders from non-sex-offenders. George Bush doesn't care about child molestors.
- DOG ATTACK! Big Red, a rooster that brought fame to a small Oregon town and touched everyone's hearts, was mauled and killed by a vicious dog this week. Like a Disney film gone horribly wrong.
- Galapagos Island Finches named after Charles Darwin are shown to be evolving. Or, as Krazy Khristians call it, "blaspheming."
- After viewing the destruction of Hurricane Katrina, Mr. T has decided to shed his gold chains. Yes, we all have to make sacrifices in these trying times.
- "Quiz: Will you be fat in ten years?" Answers: Yes and yes.
- "Woman calls 911 to hook up with cute cop." In her defense, she meant to call 1-900-PoPo-Sex.
- "Vegas sex workers demand rights, respect." Also demand no anal without advance payment.
- Meanwhile, Australian sex workers are frustrated with all the Asian competition. Maybe it's time to move to Vegas.
- A white Baltimore Orioles player was immortalized in a suspiciously black bobblehead doll. George Bush doesn't care about bobbleheads.