Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The Daily Chronicle: Wednesday, 7-12-2006

  • A man is being forced to pay one buffalo and one pig for committing bigamy. Consider this a warning: next time we take your mistress.

  • "Kids getting 'thinspiration' from dangerously skinny stars." News reporters getting paid for horrible puns.

  • BEAR ATTACK! Boo the Grizzly Bear escaped, but returned of his own volition four days later. I want to be the one to pull the trigger on this crazy bear myself!

  • Scientists say they've created mice out of sperm-like stem cells. However, I know the truth about those mousefuckers.

  • Mikhail Gorbechev claims that Americans have a "severe disease." 'Scuse me, Mikhail, but we aren't the ones with enormous marks on our heads.

  • KANGAROO ATTACK! The fossils of 20-million-year-old "killer kangaroos" have been found in Australia. In retaliation, Australia is readying its nuclear arsenal to rid the world of these "kangaroos."

  • Pope Jean Paul II's death cost the Vatican over nine million dollars. To be fair, eight million of that went to prostitutes.
What is the days of the week?


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