The Daily Chronicle: Monday, July 24, 2006

• At San Diego Comic-Con, five thousand fans got an early look at Spider-Man 3. Also at San Diego Comic-Con, custodians got very, very upset over the amount of semen on the floor.
  
  
• Will Smith went on the march to protest killings in Philadelphia. Let it never again be said that Will Smith loves murder.
  
  
• "At swinging convention, sex is on everyone's mind." Also at high schools and my computer desk.
  
  
• A man was convicted of killing his family so that he could go to his prom. Funny--I would have killed my family to get out of going to my prom.
  
  
• BULLSHIT NEWS OF THE DAY: "Fish from heavens rain on India's Manna." In related news, a fish-delivery plane mysteriously exploded yesterday above southern Asia.
  
  
• The police, having arrested the bassist for Los Lonely Boys, have admitted that it was a mistake. They meant to arrest somebody you'd heard of.
  
  
• ACTION MOVIE PITCH OF THE DAY: "Dutch nuns on bikes chase suspected thieves." Nuns On A Bike: coming Summer 2007.
  
  
• I CHANGED MY MIND, THIS IS THE REAL BULLSHIT NEWS OF THE DAY: A teenager is claiming she can see dead people and also read minds. Must be a slow news day, because usually they just lock these people up.