*Plop-splash* Squeezing out a fresh News Dump

But wait: there's other news in radioland that doesn't merit full posts!

• Students have found a high-pitched ringtone that's indistinguishable to the ears of most adults, allowing them to receive text messages in classes undetected. Because apparently leaving a phone on "silent" doesn't accomplish the same goddamn thing. (ABC)
  
  
• John Cleese (of Monty Python fame) is supposedly retiring from writing and performing comedy, instead turning to novels and teaching. Methinks somebody just couldn't find work. (BBC)
  
  
• In Las Vegas this weekend, a man ate nearly fifty cheese sandwiches in ten minutes, setting a new record (possibly for World's Biggest Lardass). Also in Las Vegas, a man drank four bottles of whiskey and lost thirty-five dollars on the penny slots before ejaculating on a poster of Donald Trump--a slightly less newsworthy feat. (ABC)

Enjoy the reading while the reading's good. That is to say, tomorrow will be the first day since the start of Robot Hand Is The Future that I won't be able to post anything, as I'll be section hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Regular updates will return sometime after I get back on Wednesday evening, Until then...courage!