OH MY TODD, IT'S HAPPENING! The invasion has begun!

After years of bad science fiction movies and tabloid-level anal intrusion, aliens have arrived. For serious.

• [W]ater taken from the mysterious blood-colored showers that fell sporadically across Louis's home state of Kerala in the summer of 2001...

Holy shit, blood-colored showers...this is so awesome!

• ...contain[s] microbes from outer space...

...Getting lamer...

• [D]ozens of his experiments suggest that the particles may lack DNA yet still reproduce plentifully, even in water superheated to nearly 600 degrees Fahrenheit.

Uhhhhh...

Okay, so these aliens suck. But still, OMG OMG OMG ALIENS!

• Other theories have implicated fungal spores, red dust swept up from the Arabian peninsula, even a fine mist of blood cells produced by a meteor striking a high-flying flock of bats.

Oh...nevermind. It could just be friggin' dirt.

I'm longing for the days of enormous motherships blasting all of our famous landmarks for some reason...or at least big ol' slugs that can only be killed by shampoo enema.