The Daily Chronicle: Wednesday, 6-21-2006

• A Florida steakhouse concocted a $100 hamburger made of beef from America, Japan, and Argentina, as well as probably diamonds and peyote.
  
  
• Massachusetts' congress is pushing for a ban or restriction on Marshmallow Fluff usage in their schools. Fluff is made of sugar, corn syrup, and egg whites, but the secret ingredient is pure motherfucking deliciousness.
  
  
• Top scientists are pushing for mandatory evolution education in all schools. Meanwhile, overzealous zealots are pushing for something about bunnies and puppies or something. It's pretty silly, really.
  
  
• "Smokeless Tobacco: No chewing, no spitting, and fewer cancer causing chemicals!" This news story brought to you by The National Foundation for the Further Agenda of Snuff N' Chaw.
  
  
• Instead of making a silly joke, I'll let this one speak for itself. Major League Baseball manager Ozzie Guillen used hateful, gay-bashing epithets yesterday, and this is how he explained himself. "Guillen also told Couch that he has gay friends, attends WNBA games, went to a Madonna concert and plans to go to the Gay Games in Chicago." Yeah...
  
  
• Best Buy is testing the waters to sell Mac computers in their stores. Industry bigwigs salute Best Buy's willingness to take a chance on the little guy.
  
  
• Saddam Hussein and seven of his bestest buddies are protesting his lawyers' murders by going on a hunger strike. Extremely saddened are those that just want Saddam to "eat shit and die."