Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The Daily Chronicle: Wednesday, 6-21-2006

  • A Florida steakhouse concocted a $100 hamburger made of beef from America, Japan, and Argentina, as well as probably diamonds and peyote.

  • Massachusetts' congress is pushing for a ban or restriction on Marshmallow Fluff usage in their schools. Fluff is made of sugar, corn syrup, and egg whites, but the secret ingredient is pure motherfucking deliciousness.

  • Top scientists are pushing for mandatory evolution education in all schools. Meanwhile, overzealous zealots are pushing for something about bunnies and puppies or something. It's pretty silly, really.

  • "Smokeless Tobacco: No chewing, no spitting, and fewer cancer causing chemicals!" This news story brought to you by The National Foundation for the Further Agenda of Snuff N' Chaw.

  • Instead of making a silly joke, I'll let this one speak for itself. Major League Baseball manager Ozzie Guillen used hateful, gay-bashing epithets yesterday, and this is how he explained himself. "Guillen also told Couch that he has gay friends, attends WNBA games, went to a Madonna concert and plans to go to the Gay Games in Chicago." Yeah...

  • Best Buy is testing the waters to sell Mac computers in their stores. Industry bigwigs salute Best Buy's willingness to take a chance on the little guy.

  • Saddam Hussein and seven of his bestest buddies are protesting his lawyers' murders by going on a hunger strike. Extremely saddened are those that just want Saddam to "eat shit and die."

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