Not a lot of worthwhile news today. But what I lack in quantity, I make up for in utter lack of quality.
- If you burglarize a grocery store and drink its beer, the best thing to do is probably to pass out drunk under the owner's bed. If you burglarize a department store, the best thing to do is be Winona Ryder. LOOK, I AM SO 2002 WITH THIS REFERENCE!
- "China Pleased After Watching U.S. Wargames." They go on to say that this Matthew Broderick should be watched. He's gonna be huge some day.
- New reports show that male students don't want male teachers. The reason? No titties.