Jack Bauer wants you to be an alcoholic

Originally, I had assumed that 24's very own Jack Bauer said "DAMN IT!," "SON OF A BITCH!," and "WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!" simply because he was more of a man than Arnold Schwarzenegger and Rosie O'Donnel combined.

It's true, of course, but apparently he has a more sinister motive. Jack Bauer swears his ass off (cock balls shit!!!!11) because he wants America's youth to become drunken malcontents in the tradition of...Jack Bauer himself.

• [In the "24" Drinking Game,] Students must take a shot of a chosen tipple every time Sutherland's character Jack Bauer says, 'Damn it!' and when the actor heard about the game, he decided to play along. He reveals he started saying the soft curse phrase as many times as he could--including three times in succession. Sutherland explains, "Boom, boom, boom, and that was just one scene. By the end (of the episode) there had to be 14 'Damn its.'

But wait, there's more. Apparently Jack Bauer--man that he is--can handle his late-night alcohol blackouts and random, drunken assaults upon belligerent Christmas trees (yes, that's a real news article). And if you can't handle a few "24"-Drinking-Game blackouts, YOU ARE HARDLY A MAN AT ALL. You should be playing the Desperate Housewives drinking game, where you sip a Shirley Temple every time somebody mentions their menstrual cycle.