Monday, October 02, 2006

The Monday Pie

Now that's a pie!

Tell me, is it a pie?

I would argue that, yes, it is indeed a pie.

  • X-Entertainment simultaneously brings in da noize AND da funk with its article on Spooky Pepperoni.

    • Pepperoni was the focus, but you wouldn't believe how many other ingredients were necessary for simple cracker toppers. Because Hormel believes in the use of many colors to turn appetizers into horrifyingly disfigured creatures, the recipes required everything from olives to red peppers to green peppers to yellow peppers, to canned cheese to real cheese, to green onion to pizza bread, to holy fucking CHRIST, look how much crap I bought.

  • Have you found yourself completely nude and pushed out of a plane? I have, and this Cracked article sure helped me!

    • There are a variety of sound reasons for you being naked right now. It’s very likely, for instance, that you were nude prior to boarding the aircraft and were unable to get a stewardess to bring you pants. Alternatively, it’s possible that you have done something recently to infuriate a drug lord, and that your nudity is meant to add a humiliating addendum to your demise.

  • Honestly, iMockery, is Gremlins all you think about?

    • In what appears to be a puddle of rancid applesauce, the remains of Stripe blister and bubble to signify the end of Stripe's extremely long death. And even then, you're not quite sure Stripe is dead. With this bubbling mass on the ground, I always wondered if it meant Stripe could come back one day. You know, like if a scientist gathered up the remains and ran some tests with them and accidentally brought him back to life.

  • The Jay wants Jon Heder to know a little sumpin' sumpin'.

    • You completely botched that fake death story. When someone reports that you’re dead, and it’s not true, you immediately exploit it for publicity. Lie low for a couple weeks, pop up in random small towns, have your image show up in some hick’s sweat stained t-shirt. Did you learn nothing from Elvis? The next time someone asks if you’re dead, you say YES!

  • Progressive Boink presents: Kyle presents: Tony Danza presents: Nightfire.

    • Stuffed in the envelope, amongst a mass of carefully clipped-out Frank & Ernest cartoons and shredded paper, was a manuscript for a novel. The author? None other than Tony Danza. I have gathered that he intended to send it to Random House Publishers, but misunderstood “Random House” to mean that he could just mail it to a random house and it would make it through the appropriate channels to publication. As fate would have it, the random address Mr. Danza sent it to was my apartment. So without further ado, Tony Danza’s Nightfire.

  • Even art has to cut loose sometime, right? Right? Can you hear me, Something Awful?

  • Cracked takes a look at another script's first draft and provides helpful notes. This time: the Texas Chainsaw Massacre prequel.

    • While it is interesting to show how negative influences during childhood helped to shape Leatherface into a killer, we think that having him sitting in the same second grade classroom as Jason, Freddy, Michael Myers, Pin Head, Count Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolf Man, Godzilla, Boo Berry, Skeletor, Gargamel, The Blair Witch, The “guy who knows what you did last summer,” Scarecrow, Dick Cheney and Ann Coulter is going a little overboard.

  • The official networking site for citizens of Hyrule--HySpace--has been updated with a bunch of awesome, new profiles.

    • Link is a son of a bitch. Last night I was jumping from painting to painting trying to kill him (as usual), and before I know it he's taken one of them down off the wall and replaced it with a Thomas Kinkade. So now I'm stuck in here for the next god knows how long turning on and off snowy cabin lights during perpetual sunset. This morning I caught the demonic steed sipping hot cocoa. I am going to fucking stab Thomas Kinkade.

  • I don't drink the beer, but some people do drink the beer. Either way, here is X-Entertainment's article about the beer. Halloween-style.

    • All the other events of the year looked to Halloween parties when they needed to know how high the bar'd been set. Adding beer to the mix -- beer, which as I understood it was something that took people to their utmost levels of hilarity, agility and good lookingness -- seemed like it'd be the straw that broke the camel's back and turned all of the blood that spilled from the its wounds into wine or gold or a little of both.

  • Retrocrush interviews Weird Al Yankovich.

  • iMockery throws a Halloweeny birthday party for a small child!

    • Ah, that terrifying cusp of the soul your friends shall enjoy, their poor young minds hovering on the tipping point between dawning terror and the need to believe that all is as it should be. This is a birthday party! Nothing can go wrong! But what about the clotted bits of hamburger clinging to this girls dress, that girls hair? Is anyone truly safe in a house where adults have filled a festive piƱata with RAW HAMBURGER?!

  • Sick Animation has submitted a new comic for your approval.
Stay tuned for more: in the future when all's well.


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