Jason takes Manhattan? Not likely.

Today I caught Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, or, as I like to call it, Jason Takes a Boat Ride.

The movie has its ups and downs. While it's uneven, it's probably better than The New Blood. The kills--absolutely the most important part of any good slasher movie--are much more inventive. A chick gets bashed in the face with a guitar. One fellow is stabbed by a harpoon-less harpoon launcher. A hoodlum is stabbed in the chest with a hypodermic needle. A boxer gets his head punched clean off his neck. In fact, I got my ever-sought-after "jaw-dropping" moment. While relaxing in the sauna, one coed finds himself the proud owner of a burning hot sauna rock inside of his chest cavity. What a lucky gent!

There's enough irksome stuff about Jason Takes Manhattan that never allows it to achieve the greatness of the franchise's earliest entries. We've all come to accept that Jason is now virtually invincible. However, this film's Jason defies the laws of physics. For example: one man climbs a ladder, being chased by Jason. He arrives on the roof, only to find...Jason! It's pretty silly.

For the first time, we hear noise coming out of Jason's mouth, and it's just...awkward. The sound effect is definitely drawn from an elephant's call. A male grunt would have sufficed, and it would have saved me the time of cleaning up all of that soda that came out of my nose.

And then there's the misnomer. Jason does not take Manhattan in this movie. Jason takes a boat for 3/4 of the movie. Jason takes a random shipyard. Jason takes a random alley. Jason takes a random subway. Jason takes a random sewer. The only time Jason is seen in any location distinctively Manhattan-ian, it's a brief five seconds in Times Square. A definite disappointment. At least the dinosaurs in The Lost World got to kill civilians. All Jason got to do was lift his mask to spook some punk kids.

Tomorrow Jason will go to hell (and probably space as well). I'll be in touch.

Love,

Spoodles