Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Bust that Hump Already; It's Wednesday

What kind of jackass schedules a three-hour night class on a Wednesday, a night made famous for its awesome television?

Lost and South Park are all new tonight. Where will YOU be?

I'll be listening to other amateurs wax poetical. God damnit.
  • Wade Boggs updated his Bloggs yesterday with grumbles about popular culture.

    • what is with all of the spiky-type hair and the wild colors? when i was a boy we crazied it up by shifting our neckties so that they were slightly askew. hair-do? more like a hair-do-not! AM I RIGHT, INTERNET FRIENDS?

  • Review the World has a hilarious video about last year's Jones Regional Holiday Sodas. Never have I been so excited to see so many people get so close to throwing up.

  • Progressive Boink's celebrity Justin decided to crap out on last week's article. Thankfully, Jon was willing to write it for him.

    • So what does this have to do with Kaiju? I don't know, I Jon Justin I don't know a goddamn thing about Kaiju. I think it's some sort of form of martial arts, maybe one that incorporates rock and roll of some sort. I saw the picture on the main page, but it doesn't tell me much. It's a Lego guy with a fucking wooden block on his head. At least, I think it is.

  • I'm still finishing Friday the 13th before beginning A Nightmare On Elm St., but the latter is still interesting to read about. i-Mockery writes about a video game based on Nightmare.

    • I don't quite remember the part in the movie where the teens journey through corridors of green slime, but it works nonetheless. There's large fungus growth all over the place, and here and there, you can spot some dangerous whirlpools (or portals, depending on the situation). You also get attacked by ghosts and globs of living slime as well, but it's hard to get excited about that when you take into account the numerous bodies covered in slime on the walls and floors. It's enough to make you forget that brightly-colored ooze was never really Freddy's forte. That's more up Slimer's alley.

  • Cracked knows about motion pictures: t'ain't nothin' better than an 80's movie montage.

    • The originator of the training montage, this group of films probably isn’t given its proper due for creating the entire genre of film that we now know as the ‘80s movie. The ridiculous underdogs fighting against enormous odds, the disproportionately evil bad guy, the quiet unassuming love interest who turns out to be attractive when you take off her glasses. But before all of that, the makers of the first film were faced with a quandary. They somehow had to show someone excercising for two months and make it interesting.

  • If you're too big of a pansy to get your hands dirty, X-Entertainment has the pumpkin decorating kit for you.

    • I wasn't terribly impressed with the kit in action, but I can see the merits. First off, it lets you fiddadle with a real pumpkin, whereas other "no-carve" kits might force you to hit the craft store for one of those lame, sacrilegious faux pumpkins. Secondly, making a jack o' lantern with this kit all but guarantees a longer-lived pumpkin, because the alien fruit can maintain itself a bit longer if nobody removes all of its organs before placing a lit candle where its heart used to be. On the other hand, fuck this shit -- if you buy a pumpkin, you better carve it. Swear, I'll kill you.

  • The Jay has exclusive Transformers: The Movie pictures and footage that you won't find anywhere else (at least until some asshole steals it for his own site).

    • But nothing the well-intentioned actor said could truly lift the depressed Autobot’s spirit. He’ll just never be able to get beyond the fact that SAG doesn’t include machine-based actors (The Governator not withstanding) in their organization, and as such, will do nothing to protect him from the evil machinations and harsh working conditions of the big bad Michael Bay. Maybe when the shoot is over he can get an audition as the black smoke monster on Lost. I hear that’s a much calmer set.

  • Improv Everywhere has released their DVD, and they did it with a bang.

  • Proving that Spoodles is a shitty horror-film reviewer, Wes at Scary Crayon does it right with his City of Rott review.

    • That is, until 50 minutes into the movie, at which point Fred succumbs to the brain worms responsible for turning people into zombies and becomes a walking corpse himself. Sounds like it could make an interesting turn, right? But instead of anything neat happening, Fred just sort of walks around moaning and eating people -- and not even lots of people; like four, who are themselves engaged in ridiculous shit like looking for donuts or talking on cell phones -- for the next half hour. Despite the presence of some cool advertisements for Zombifate, a drug that allegedly stops the infection, this portion of the movie somehow manages to be even more boring than an old man complaining about his feet hurting ad nauseam. It's enough to make one wonder whether Frank Sudol himself was suffering from the effects of the brain worms when he wrote the script for City of Rott.

  • Review the World's staff member Brian B. brings a list of songs dealing with buses. Is your favorite bus-related song on there? See for yourself.

    • Vengaboys- We Like to Party. Can I tell you a secret? The first time I heard this song I dug it a lot. I could try and justify it by saying I was like 13 at the time, but is that really an excuse? Unfortunately, you’re probably saying to yourself, “Sometimes this song gets stuck in my head and I don’t really mind.” At least I’m hoping you’re saying that because if not I might have just lost any music credibility I once had. But seriously people, who wouldn’t want an intercity disco?!

  • i-Mockery explores a poignant scene from Wishmaster.

    • Since the guard can't move or do anything except scream—because he's a piece of glass now you see, although the important lesson to learn from this is that glass CAN in fact scream if it is alive—the Wishmaster finds it very easy to just magically pass through the window.

  • If you've ever become an unplanned father (and I know I have), you'll appreciate Cracked's advice.

    • Look at them, they love it! That’s right, good old TV, the same place you get hours of quality product placement, can also serve as an effective surrogate parent. Simply place the child in front of the set, turn it on, and patented Edutainment Gnomes will do the rest.

  • Do you like ponies? Little ponies? My little ponies? Matt from X-Entertainment brings you a harrowing tale from beyond the grave! (about ponies).

    • Of the two Halloween My Little Ponies, "Pumpkin Tart" is the sasshound. She's sexy, she's into her looks, and her hair is different colors. Dressed as a Halloween cat with a fancy emblem on her ass to match, Pumpkin Tart's costume -- consisting of ears and a bow tie -- are removable. To keep the costume at a better scale, Pumpkin Tart's regular plastic horse ears are ridiculously small compared to the ears of other My Little Ponies. They look almost...stunted. I guess that's why she continues strutting around town like she owns it. Girl can't hear everyone calling her a prissy shit when she walks by.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hahaha wade bloggs is hilarious

ps i'm not sure if you remember me but i post on the "progressive boink forum" as "webber". i am not trying to stalk you ;) :stalk: