Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Busting the Hump, and then some more bacon

Man, I have four classes in one day. Talk about puttin' me in the mood fer some bacon. Get yer bacon after the post ends.
  • If you like Jackass and you like Cracked, check out Cracked's article on Jackass (with videos)!

    • In this classic sketch, Knoxville and Co. hide out in camouflage in the woods and blow a screeching air horn to distract the players during their backswing. While it’s always fun to watch these guys hurt themselves, the sketches in which they use their special brand of brazenly idiotic genius to cause mayhem will always be our favorites.

  • iMockery is STILL all about Halloween, with a new classic horror movie moment for you.

    • Ok, now I'm no big fan of Bill Pullman by any means. Sure, he was great in Spaceballs, but that's because they wanted someone who would come off as a bad actor just like Mark Hammil in the real Star Wars movies. I'm sure he's a nice guy in real life 'n all, but he's one of those guys who just can't seem to act or be interesting in any way no matter what role he ends up playing. I mean, if you saw him as the President in Independence Day, you probably wanted to punch him in the nuts. Yet in The Serpent and the Rainbow, the terror he experiences is quite convincing - so I guess that just goes to show you how good a director Wes Craven really was in his prime. Anybody who can manage to extract a convincing performance from Bill Pullman clearly has talent.

  • Retrocrush also updated their design for Halloween, including a poll.

  • Review the World hasn't hit Halloween Mania yet, but they did review a toy called a Stink Blaster. Prediction: the toy smells bad.

    • So, someone somewhere thought it’d be a great idea to market toys to children that smell like unwashed butthole and prostitute panties? Apparently so, and recently on one of my routine visits to the local dollar stores, I found a bunch of these guys marked down from their original hefty price and being sold for $1. Although I couldn’t find Dog Breath Danny, or Never Wash Nick, I was able to get my hands on another special smelly somebody.

  • Scary Crayon updates with part three of their (so-far) amazing novel.

    • Though the red-suited corpse-o-lantern moved slowly, it managed to keep within view of the girl no matter how fast and hard she ran, for, being human, and prone to exhaustion, she required frequent breaks to catch her breath -- had she kept the screaming to a minimum, she might have conserved her energy and therefore made a better effort of escaping -- whereas the stumping creature dressed in red required no such rest and kept moving at a steady pace, dragging its feet and, at intervals, opening its mouth, from which maggots and thick clumps of writhing worms fell with a sickening splat to the pavement only to be squished a second later by the dirt-caked boots of the pursuer, and letting loose with a ragged and bone-chilling, "Hhhhooooohhh hoooohhh hohhhhhh..."

  • Every Wednesday I keep telling you about Wednesday One-Liners at Overheard in New York. Maybe now you are ready to believe me.

    • Sassy flight attendant: In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will be released from the overhead above your seat. After the screaming subsides, please place the oxygen mask around your nose and mouth. If you are traveling with a child or an adult who is acting like a child, place your mask on first before attempting to help put theirs on.

  • Cracked needs to know: should we piss on Tom DeLay?

    • Tom DeLay (on fire): OH GOD! OH NO! I AM BURNING TO DEATH!
      Me: I don't know, man. What should we do?
      My Roommate: It's tough. It's tough.
      Me: Yeah, but... I mean, we should do something. Shouldn't we?
      My Roommate: I guess.
      Me: But what?
      My Roommate: We could... No.
      Me: What?
      My Roommate: Well, we could... piss on him.
      Me: Piss on Tom DeLay?
      My Roommate: We could.

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