Thursday, August 17, 2006

The Daily Chronicle: Thursday, August 17, 2006

Public Service Announcement: Woody Allen's "Life and Death" is worth watching.

Now that you've been enlightened, it's time to kill your brain.
  • A suspect was arrested in the JonBenet Ramsey murder trial, leading many (including me) to feel "really, really bad" about the last ten years of parental accusations.

  • Steroid-junkie Floyd Landis' father-in-law ended his life last night, presumably because the world has already forgotten that his son-in-law exists.

  • "Truth or dare: is Madonna's film career finished?" Would be if it ever got off the ground.

  • Britney Spears stated that her second baby "was not planned," inasmuch as she really thought Kevin Federline's penis was pretty disgusting.

  • Hemp (not marijuana) farming could soon become legal in California, leading Woody Harrelson's tailors to jump for joy.
    • You see, because he wears hemp suits.
      • You see?

  • South Korea is looking to put its citizens in "smart clothes." Because apparently being from East Asia just isn't smart enough for them.

  • One woman has a rare disease that makes her smell like rotten fish. I've known many women that smell like rotten fish.

  • Some New York kittens survived being thrown into a frying pan this week. Thankfully, they were still delicious.

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