The Chronicle: Seal is Ugly Edition

• Heidi Klum wants to have many, many more hideous musician-babies with Seal.
  
  
• Bill Clinton hates turning sixty. Because that means his girlfriends are all nearing thirty.
  
  
• A cancer-ridden teen has decided to go without chemotherapy, instead choosing an alternate cure of organic diet and some herbal remedies. If that fails, I have some pocket lint I can lend him. It's the next big treatment.
  
  
• Getting married is a surefire cure for depression. The day after you get married is a surefire cause of depression.
  
  
• "JonBenet murder suspect to be sent home Sunday." There he will eat a sandwich, watch some television.
  
  
• A California woman is suing because she was attacked by a mannequin. No comment necessary.
  
  
• "Grandma, 41, among Army's older recruits." Hopefully she'll live until 55 to see her great-grandchildren.
  
  
• "Kerry calls Lieberman 'new Cheney.'" Leiberman calls Kerry "who?"
  
  
• "Arizona man stung to death by 'killer' bees." Really, the quote marks around "killer" seem kind of contradictory, don't they?