Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Buh-buh-busting the Hump

Not a whole lot of new stuff for today, but it's all good.
  • Cracked is THE source for celebrity gossip.

    • Actor/director Mel Gibson came out the latest in a line of defenses over last month's anti-Semitic rant, claiming that he wasn't really angry at Jews , and was embarrassed when he later learned that Jews are mostly Caucasian. He claimed his insane outburst was intended at people who are "less white." A Gibson spokesperson clarified the star's statement by saying " Oh, fucking Christ."

  • Overheard in New York is THE source for Wednesday One-Liners.

    • Virgin-For-Life: He's really sharp. He's like the head of Voltron.

  • Cracked is THE source for confession letters from everyone's favorite child murderer!

    • I mean, I did flee the country. They did catch up with me in Bangkok and I was consulting with doctors about getting a sex change, so I think it’s pretty clear I’m crazy. The JonBenet accidentally killing kind of crazy, though. Not that other kind of crazy where you get obsessed with a crime and then eventually come to believe you committed it even though you couldn’t have. That’s a different kind of crazy that I don’t have. Because if I did, I never would have accidentally killed her.

  • SickAnimation is THE source for a new, funny comic.

  • Cockeyed is THE source for finding out how many soda cans it takes to fill a shopping cart.

    • We were exhausted. We needed to re-think our crushing strategy, but we were too proud to consult a homeless dude. Finally, a plan was hatched. We would use the tires on Nick's Jetta to crush long lines of cans! This is probably how German homeless people crush their cans.

  • Cracked is THE source for voting for the biggest douchebag.

    • Behold, the Jay Leno formula for comedy: newspaper typos + uneducated people + fat retard asshole with skunk hair = comedy gold!

  • Robot Hand is the Future is THE source for racist Survivor casting news!

    • Oscar is a migrant farmer from sunny, southern California. His goal on Survivor is to win the million dollars so that he can "feed his starving family." His long-term life goal is to finally be able to grow a full mustache. Until then, he is content to "smoke a little weed and pick a little apples."
Well? That's it. Go home.

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