- Snakes on a Shattering Fiscal Disappointment (Snakes on a Plane): $18.7 million. At least financially, this movie looks like it's going to "tank."
- Snakes on an Underwhelming Comedy (Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby): $12.2 million. Although the name "Ricky Bobby" is still funny.
- Snakes on a Cheap Grab at the Cash of High School Students (Accepted): $11.6 million. I saw the preview, and it seems like everybody is trying too hard. It ain't funny. Please die.
- Snakes on a Crappy Movie About Dancing (Step Up):$8.2 million. I bet the couple wins the big dance contest at the end.
- Snakes on a Jarring Fictional View of a Recent Tragic Event (World Trade Center): $7.2 million. Don't tell me how it ends.