Monday, July 31, 2006

The Monday Grind: July 31, 2006 Edition

Ain't nothin' wrong with a little Monday Grind.
  • X-Entertainment updates again, proving that you can never get enough of a good thing. This week: A Nightmare On Elm Street: The Freddy Game--a board game, you dummy.

    • The "board" part of board games were a purely psychosomatic offense, because if you really think about which games you preferred the most, only a fraction of them had really awesome boards. "The Freddy Game" has an awesome board, and I am psychosomatically offended. You'll need a couple of weeks to assemble it, but when you're done, oh boy! Does that disposable camera leftover from some jerk's wedding still have a picture left? Time to spend that wish. Take a gander and try to believe me when I say that "The Freddy Game" blows big chunks of Freddy flesh.

  • The Jayson over at The Jay has posted what may be his best article yet: Tearful Celebrity Apologies.

    • Harrison Ford: I’d apologize for Firewall and K19 and Six Days, Seven Nights and pretty much my entire career post-1997, but I’ve been drunk pretty much every day since the Air Force One premiere, so screw all of you. I’m rich, I’m grizzled, I’m dating a troll and I’m never making Indiana Jones 4. Now leave me alone! I’ve got to go fly my airplane and sign onto a mediocre action movie.

  • Decker, you dog! The king of I Am My Own Damn Blog somehow went to the future, and he's posting a little somethin' somethin' from the history books.

    • The President did not have the military might to deter the combatants, with the US Army still engaged in Iraq in the remnants of the Iraqi Civil War (codename: With A Little Help From Our Friends), in Iran and Syria in the Hezbollah vs. Everyone war (codename: Step 3: Profit!), and in Canada after the war of early 2007, which started as a Rush concert gone wrong (codename: how'd Geddy Lee's voice get so high?). With American military might spent, President Bush decided to personally oversee the diplomacy efforts. Naturally, the conflict was a full-scale war within days.

  • Review The World TV is back for its second episode and it's a whole lot snazzier than the first. So snazzy that I feel the need to say "snazzy."

  • Now that Superman Returns has sort of faded into oblivion, it's time to look at what could have been. Cracked has some notes on the original first draft.

    • Page 95-
      The scene where Superman and Clark Kent run into each other at a night club, and have a ‘dance-off’ makes absolutely no sense. Even stranger, you never find out who wins.

  • If you've ever been on the Internet (and many of you have), you've heard of Maddox. Well, here is a new post, my friends. It's about THE 9/11 CONSPIRACY OMG!

    • What are the odds that a simple geometric folding of a $20 bill with elements of design that were conceived in 1928 by a committee of treasurers, a full 42 years before the World Trade Center even existed, could accidentally contain a representation of both terror attacks? Pretty good, apparently.

  • Do YOU have what it takes to join COBRA? If you think so, Cracked has their recruitment pamphlet for your perusal.

  • Bobby P. Tolkien sullies his great-uncle's "Lord of the Rings" trilogy by making a sequel on the ever-incorrigible Robot Hand is the Future.

    • "It just occurred to me," Gandalf spake, "that the ring didn't really melt back there and it is time for another epic journey to destroy it because it is evil. You see, when Gollum fell to his doom in the crevice of Mt. Doom, he actually must have put a magic protection spell +1 on the ring. Or, if not that, then some other convenient plot device!" Gandalf was wise beyond his many years, and his veracity was not to be questioned by the likes of wargs, warlocks, or even wary readers of arbitrary sequels. "We must create a fellowship. And I happen to know just the guys for the job!"

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