Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The Daily Chronicle: Wednesday, 7-26-2006

I don't know what all the bitching is about--I enjoyed Lady in the Water. And Clerks 2. And for the most part Strangers With Candy. Anyway, that's some explanation as to why your morning news is posted at 5:30 in the pee em.

  • Lance Armstrong's sizzlin' hot balls may hold the cure to cancer. Also, may hold sperm.

  • A jockey is apologizing to his detractors for head-butting his horse. Oh come on, that shit is comic gold! He head-butted a horse!
    • We should be giving him tugjobs under the grandstands.
      • Or at least a parade.
        • Maybe just get him a gift.
          • You know. Something nice.
            • Like a gold watch.

  • "Sentate passes interstate abortion bill." Thank god. A woman's right to choose is one thing, but I certainly don't want to see that shit on the Interstate.

  • Saddam Hussein insists that, if convicted, he be shot and killed. The Impartial Judge laughed: "If?"

  • "The War on the Web." Not sure how this one is going to turn out, but my guess is that somebody will use Gnome Magic +1.

  • N*Sync's Lance Bass came out of the closet today. One down and four to go (and damn, I'm probably gay just because I knew about that asterisk in N*Sync).

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