If you don't let me be the thimble, I'll shoot your face off.

They had Muppets Monopoly. They had sixteen different versions of Star Wars Monopoly. They even had an Australia Football League Monopoly (and that ain't no baloney). For a full list, check here. After they've covered the fringe sports of every backwater burg and cockamamie country, you would think there's no new ground left to cover.

You would be right.

But that's not going to stop Parker Brothers from releasing yet another version of Monopoly consisting entirely of seemingly unrelated properties. Called the "Here and Now" edition, it will consist of American landmarks voted in by consumers and board game enthusiasts worldwide, a stark contrast to the Atlantic-City theme of the original (or the Middle-Earth theme of the Lord of the Rings version).

• Game lovers are being asked what favorite street or landmark they'd like to see on an updated version of the classic board game. They can choose locations picked from 22 U.S. cities from Boston to Honolulu.

Typically I wouldn't give a hoot (don't pollute). However, there is an omission so devious that it should be outlawed by the international Jewish banking conspiracy.

Please, please, please...write to the fine folks at Parker Brothers and request that 21 Jump Street be made an official property on the Monopoly board.
It is time for the weight of the Robot Hand to be felt smashing down upon the sexual organs of this world's mere mortals. It is time for Johnny Depp to be recognized for what he is: dreamy.