I hope the doctor was well-compensated for his time...

CNN.com (who else?) reports the following:

Doc's diagnosis: Nail gun caused headache

Yes, that's right. Apparently, shooting twelve nails into your own skull in a suicide attempt will give you one hell of a migraine. My question: why did the dude go to the emergency room complaining of a headache? Take some aspirin and that shit goes away like woah.

Yes, I said "like woah." But I didn't mean it, baby. I swear.

Anyway, the doctor helped the guy out with a few other minor ailments.

• The "arthritis pains" in the man's knuckles were actually caused by the 170lb. dumbbell the man used to smash his fingers.
• The man's case of chronic halitosis (or bad breath to the layman) was actually due to the French Onion soup he had for lunch.
• The sharp pain in the man's back--originally hypothesized to be kidney stones--was actually caused by a seventeenth-century broadsword wound.