I know, I know. The fact that I've repeated this seventy-five thousand, two hundred twenty-eight times in the past three years has made the topic tiresome. However, it deserves repeating. To anyone who uses film or television quotes in an attempt to be funny: you are, in fact, not funny. You are actually co-opting somebody else's humor in a vain attempt to make people believe you have a sense of humor, when in truth you have none. Any positive reaction (for instance, a smile or a laugh) derived from your tired repetition of said quotes is not truly a comment on your style or sense of humor. Instead, it is a fond recollection of the moment in mass-media history to which you are referencing, which may or may not have been humorous in the first place. You, my most mainstream and monotonous malcontent of a friend, do not deserve the ability to exercise the most exquisite pleasures of human existence--that is to say, smiling and laughing. As such, I hereby proclaim my most solemn and sincere goal. If I hear you quoting popular media in a way that is in any way unbefitting (i.e. not to make a particular point about said media, but instead to get a rise out of the common lunkhead who finds such things funny), I will make it my personal goal to rip your jaw off of its hinges with my bare hands.
Signed and notarized,
-Thaddeus Thigpen, tt