Sunday, July 24, 2005

Letter to Melvin

Back from camp. May have some pictures to share at a later point, but for now: was pretty sick and had a fever for half the week, still had a great time. Wish I could have gone to the beach with Chris and Tim this weekend.

And now, a letter to Melvin (sent to the camp while I was also at the camp).

Dearest Amy:

I just wanted to shoot you an e-mail to let you know how I've been doing over the last few weeks. I've been very busy on the farm--picking cotton, shearing sheep, milking cows, and all of the other chores you've left undone since you went away to camp. I'm sorry I haven't sent you an e-mail sooner, but between the aforementioned chores and my new wife, I have been very busy.
Have I told you about my bride? Her name is Buronica. She was an orphan from a small village outside of Nome, Alaska, but she was soon raised to become the richest and hottest woman in the northwest territories. Her foster parents wanted to name their daughter "Veronica," but they both had horrible speech impediments. Anyway, she inherited the Starkist Tuna fortune from her foster parents, who died in a mysterious roller coaster accident some time ago.
Buronica and I met on the shores of ye olde rustic Cheddar. We were galavanting along the boardwalk in our own respective cliques when she and I literally collided in a fit of passion and bruises. When she regained consciousness, Buronica was so confused that she soiled herself. When she regained consciousness for the second time, it was almost assuredly the sparkle of love in her eyes--or the sparkle of severe concussion. Over the next few months (after the full-body cast came off), I became a mentor to young Buronica, teaching her how to start walking again and refilling her glass of diet, caffiene free soda (she and I have SO much in common). When I asked her to marry me, I swear she would have said yes if she could talk. Buronica and I eloped yesterday!

Maybe you can meet her sometime. You'll have to bear with her, as she lost her ability to talk. Also, she constantly tries to escape. If she didn't love me so much, I would swear that she hadn't wanted to marry me at all.

Hope everything is well with you. I'll see you when you get home from camp on Saturday.


Spoodles (was Alex P. Keaton)

So, that is that. Linkdump, anyone?

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