Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Introducing Scarfy

I'm in a class with Baldy Doo and Scarfy McGee. There is nothing wrong with Baldy Doo, except for the fact that the only hair on his head is the ramshackle beard that's stuck on his face. Scarfy McGee is another story. For one thing, Scarfy always wears a scarf. Wearing a scarf to weather the cold weather is completely reasonable. Wearing a scarf throughout class is ridiculous. It's a notch above wearing a beanie cap throughout a class. The heat is on. Your head will be warm. Get that hat the fuck off your head. That goes double for you, Scarfy. It doesn't make you look cool, and it doesn't make you look smart--especially when you're asking such inane questions. If you're going to wear that scarf, make a knot and jump from the ceiling. Baldy Doo, while excessively bald, seems like he could be a cool guy. I bet there's all kinds of crazy stuff you could do with Baldy Doo. You could buff his head like a sassy, inner-city shoeshine. You could practice the ancient art of phrenology and discover his innermost secrets using nothing more than his bald, bald head. And of course, the end-all-be-all of excitement: Chia Head.

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