Awards Season

ANNOUNCER: It's that time of year again! No, not the time that you murder your husband for the insurance money. This is the real deal! That's right! The Third Annual Funniest Word in the English Language Awards! Live from the University of California, it's action time!

ANNOUNCER: Last month we announced the nominees, and the Academy of Funny Words and Slotnick has voted to decide what the funniest words are in three categories.

ANNOUNCER: And now for the presentation of the first award. To present, we welcome Ladder 49's John Travolta and Family Matters' Jaleel White.

(Canned Applause)

TRAVOLTA: Well, Jaleel, we sure have come a long way from being flash-in-the-pan novelty acts from our respective eras who haven't done anything worthwhile since then.

WHITE: That's right, John Travolta. Got any cheeeeeeeese?

(Audience laughs uproarously)

TRAVOLTA: Ha ha, that's right. I guess I could say, look who's talking...now!

(Audience groans and then boos)

WHITE: All right, all right. Go easy on him. We're here tonight to present the award for Funniest Word in the English Language that Is Intentionally Funny.

TRAVOLTA: And now for the nominees.

"Splooge"
"Scrote"
"Scrotum"
"Sasquatch"
"Squanto"

WHITE: And the winner is...(opens envelope)...splooge!

(Applause)

SPLOOGE: Thank you, thank you. Thank you everyone who voted for me. Well, first off, I'd like to thank God. Without him, I wouldn't be the splooge I am today. I'd also like to thank my fellow bodily fluids. I know it's hard to pick a favorite name, and you all deserve this as much as I do. And also my parents, my loving parents, for supporting me. But most of all I'd like to thank the Academy for picking me. You are the reason I'm here tonight. Thank you.

ANNOUNCER: We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors.

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of the awards ceremony.