Stop your complaining already!

Listen up, bloodfart. I'm sick and tired of a lot of things, and this is one of them.

1. People who complain. Complaining is annoying, in every case. There are very few people who are justified in complaints--these people living in impoverished countries, starving to death, developing or suffering from a painful or fatal disease, or watching Ricki Lake. I don't want to hear about your lack of a raise, I don't want to hear about your divorce, and I don't want to hear about your sexually transmitted disease. Some things are beyond your control, and complaining is pointless. Some things are entirely within your control, and you shouldn't have done what you did in the first place, dumbass. There are three special groups that receive honorable mentions in this group as the WORST OF THE WORST.

a. Rich people who complain. There are some people in this world who have more money than they know what to do with. These people need to shut their mouths. I have heard people too many times complain about how their yacht isn't quite as long as they'd like it. And by "too many times" I mean "never, except on TV." Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. Also, if you were once rich and have somehow lost your fortune due to bad spending, bad decision making, or Bad News Bears, I have no sympathy for you. In fact, I hate you. I hope you die of a painful disease of the intestines.

b. People who complain just to hear the sound of their own voice. Everybody knows one or two people like this. They complain about every little thing, whether it's their business or not, whether it is a big deal or not, whether there is anybody to listen or not. I was sitting on the floor on my break today and a lady was standing outside of her movie complaining loudly to her husband about how loud the movie was. First of all, her movie was The Terminal, the most noise-free movie released by a major studio in sixteen years. Second of all, standing around complaining about it for twenty minutes and not doing anything about it (coming up to me or another employee and asking about it would be a good start) will get you nothing but a sore jaw and an annoyed husband. Third of all, old people such as her smell funny. I did eventually end up turning the movie down a few notches, but seeing as how she never approached me about it, I made sure she had sat in the theater for ten minutes without getting up before I took care of it. Another person that fits this category is the guy who lives across the street from me. For the sake of anonymity, I will put quotation marks around his name and call him "Gary." Nobody will suspect that his name is Gary, because I quoted it and said it was anonymous. Good. "Gary" and his wife "Mrs. Gary" have complained about cars parking on the street like nobody's business. These cars don't affect the "Garys" in the least. Congratulations, "Gary." You are one of life's duckfaces.

c. People who call me a hypocrite because I write a whole three page essay complaining about people who complain. Um....shut up.