Monday, July 02, 2007

Werewolves on Wheels

I repeat: Werewolves on Wheels (1971). Complete and utter schlock and I absolutely love it. You see, you got some rough, tough bikers. Despite the warnings of their brethren Tarot (who reads tarot cards), the gang goes to a Satanic temple for the soul purpose of mocking it. The Satanic monks aren't too happy about this, and through an overlong ceremony, they somehow turn a few of the bikers into werewolves.

None of that matters, of course. What matters is that this movie is called WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS, which means when it comes to amazing titles, it outsnaked Snakes on a Plane by a good thirty-five years. The name evokes all kinds of crazy imagery.

I may be way off-base here (I didn't see the Tarantino/Roderiguez joint Grindhouse), but this is what I imagine when I hear about old-school grindhouses. Cheaply made movies that don't make an awful lot of sense (there are things set up in this script that, according to the commentary, were just left unfilmed because of money constraints), lots of silly blood, bad acting, and the like. It's gloriously cheesy, and I wish I had watched it on a Saturday night instead of a Sunday afternoon.

Does the title deliver on its promise--that we'd see full-fledged Werewolves riding motorcycles? Well, yes and no. We do get one brief (very dark) sequence involving a werewolf actually riding the motorbike, but no campy, badass werewolf bikers or any of that business. Disappointing.

(Be grateful that I spared the ol' "Where? Wolves on wheels?" pun I had all saved up for y'all.)

There is a bit of werewolf action, though. A lot of bloody throat-slashing with paws, a few burning corpses, and one HOLY GOD EXPLODING EYEBALL. The werewolves are your typical fare--probably rented masks. Nothing revolutionary since the 1930's, and obviously this movie was made with little time or money.

Would I recommend it? If you're looking for a laugh. It's not one of those must-see horror movies, but it makes for a fun hour and a half if you're with the right friends.


Review the World said...

this sounds brillant.. - i'd totally be up for watching it..

Jackie said...

I recommend a film called Blood Freak that was made by a church group in order to show people how drugs are bad (M'kay). It's a really badly made movie about a man who eats drug-tainted turkey and therefore turns into a huge turkey and must see it for yourself. It's so poorly made that one time you see a microphone at the top of the screen, and the screams at repeated moments are obviously recorded loops. It's the most enjoyable piece of crap ever, and I laughed hysterically throughout.