Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The Dream Post

It's been a while, and it's hard not to say that I've missed posting. However, I also don't want to post links to other sites anymore, because if I do that I'll avoid writing actual content.

Today I continued my Masters of Horror 2006 movie marathon with a couple of Nightmare on Elm Street flicks.

When I popped A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors in, I knew I was in for something special almost immediately. Patricia Arquette! Lawrence "Larry" Fishburne! Dick Cavett! Zsa Zsa Gabor! The stars have come out for Freddy Kreuger's grand return to form!

And it is a return to form. The second film ventured into the realm of possession, and it's nice to see Freddy back in the dream world and turning into a giant, hungry worm.

There are some other elaborate kills, which I've come to expect from the inimitable Mr. Kreuger. Freddy slits one boy's wrists and ankles, pulling out the sinew and walking him like a marionette off of a high ledge. With a fair amount of traditional Freddy snark, he smashes a young lady into a television. "This is it, Jennifer. Your big break in TV." The catchphrases are hit-or-miss, but that's the nature of the one-liner.

Our heroine from the first Nightmare film, Nancy, makes her triumphant return in a more secure and mature position--sage guru to the institutionalized remainder of the Elm Street kids. Patricia Arquette is the film's heroine--a woman that can bring other people into her dreams. These Dream Warriors are a rag-tag team of horror-movie misfits--the mute, the wheelchair-bound geek, the punk girl, and the black guy--so you know they aren't long for this world. The wheelchair kid doesn't get it quite as badly as the handicapped all-star in Friday the 13th: Part 2, and somehow the majority of the outcasts survive. Unexpected and disappointing to be sure.

Lawrence Fishburne is a smooth mothafudga. Even in his supporting role as a mental hospital orderly, he exudes more charisma than the rest of the cast combined. If I had to make a prediction, I would say that someday this Larry Fishburne will be a big action movie star with gappy teeth.

The classy saga continues with A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master. It's so classy, in fact, that it begins with a quote from the Bible. "And he drowned the mute kid inside of a waterbed. And it was good. (Freddy 1:14-16)"

That's right. Freddy was so pissed off about missing the obvious horror-flick targets in Dream Warriors that he came back for them. The mute guy gets drowned, the black guy gets glove-stabbed, and the Patricia Arquette character gets downgraded to a lesser blonde actress. Oh, and also she is burnt to a crisp.

Director Renny Harlin (CUTTHROAT ISLAND, bitches) doesn't leave us without our share of easy prey, though. In fact, he bundles them up into one convenient package. We get a character that is simultaneously black, geeky, and a supporting female character. Good luck making it out alive, Urkelette.

Freddy is reborn in an inventive way: a dog pisses fire onto his grave. You can't make this stuff up.

The deaths are slightly more slapstick-y than in the previous flick. Freddy eats one person on a pizza. Another is caught in a roach motel. Still, we get some good stuff. The health-conscious female (hel-LO big hair!) has her forearms snapped in half by a slightly-heavier-than-usual bench press workout. Another character literally has the life sucked out of her, leaving the shell of a human being.

Only four more movies to go until I'm the shell of a human being. I'll keep y'all posted.

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