Saturday, September 30, 2006

REVIEW: Friday the 13th, Parts 3 and 4

Another scary-movie day (one of many leading up to All Hallow's Eve).

Friday the 13th, Part 3 is, famously, the 3D installment of the series. This is beneficial inasmuch as it allows the director to get really wacky with the kills--even moreso than in the first two films--but also a curse because there is a lot of "WATCH OUT FOR THE YO-YO COMING AT THE CAMERA" that I associate with that one episode of Home Improvement when Tool Time went 3D and Tim kept on poking shit at the camera for no good reason.

Another unfortunate element of the third Friday is the opening "flashback" sequence. Where the first sequel featured a montage of the final face-off, this film starts off with a ten-minute chunk taken directly from its predecessor.

That's not to say I disliked this one.

There are, once again, a fair number of awesome kills. One character takes a harpoon to the eye. Another is bludgeoned four times and then, later, hacked to bits with a machete. A woman is stabbed in the back and right through the boob, and any way you look at it that's pretty awesome. Jason even crushes a man's head with his bare hands.

In every one of these films thus far, there's been a moment where my jaw literally dropped. The first had the knife right through Kevin Bacon's throat. Part 2 had the heroine from the first one taking a screwdriver to the temple. This one...oh, this one. A guy with a penchant for walking on his hands is traversing down a staircase when--OH SNAP--he takes a massive machete strike right between the legs. Not only did my jaw drop, but I let out an audible "O-ho!" which, I'm sure, confused the neighbor on the other side of my thin apartment wall.

An amazing film, although not up to Part 2's standards. I didn't even get around to mentioning the kickass disco theme song; or dear, departed Crazy Ralph's replacement--the Hobo That Sleeps In The Middle of the Road and Shows Teenagers an Eyeball.

Moving on to Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, which is obviously a dirty whore of a liar. The opening sequence is a bit better than the previous two, because it tells the story of Jason instead of the story of the last movie. More exciting, though, are the opening credits. Corey Feldman! Crispin Glover! It's a veritable Who's Who of E! True Hollywood Stories.

My favorite kill of the movie happens very early on. Axl the lecherous mortician takes a bonesaw to the neck, and when Axl's spinal cord is gone, Jason twists his head around like a boulder on a rag. Other awesome deaths: a hitchhiker is knifed right through the brain stem; one skinny-dipper takes a harpoon to the nuts; a skull is slowly crushed against a bathroom wall; a young lady takes it right to the chest with an axe hewn through a door. Jason, meanwhile, gets to live the American dream and thwack Crispin Glover in the face with a butcher's knife.

The moment that made my jaw drop in Final Chapter, however, was not the murder of a teen. Instead, it was the defeat of Jason. After being macheted right in the head, Jason hits the ground handle-first, driving the knife deep within his noggin and deforming his head all kinds of awesome.

The ending is ominous in a different way than the previous three films, and if I didn't already know how Friday the 13th, Part V: A New Beginning ends, I'd probably be in hog heaven next time around.



Margaret said...

Your second computer is just one of about 45 that I don't know about! I get paid for that ad at the top of my xanga, and they track how many different computer have looked at it. It was 80 as of this morning, in the past, what, 3 weeks that I've had the Employee of the Month one playing? In the month I had Crank up, I only had 35 different viewers. And the viewers definitely spiked when I started talking about the break-up. lol

In reference to your scary movie post: I don't do scary movies (well, bloody movies, I can handle scary, I can't handle gore) unless I'm watching with someone bigger than me (who I can hide behind) and who has seen the movie already (so they can tell me when to hide behind them). Sometimes, I watch through my blanket, which is crocheted, so I looked through the holes at just parts of the screen. lol.

Maggie said...

Whoa, I forgot to fill out the bottom thing, how do they know I'm Margaret?? I prefer MAGGIE, thank you.