Hello, and welcome to Hitler's Good-time Family Eatery! My name is Randy Hitler, and I'll be your Führer for the evening. Perhaps you read about us on ABCNews.com! We certainly have received a lot of attention of late. Uncle Adolf would have been proud! I hope you find your service fast, friendly, and fun! We try our hardest to adhere to the standard of quality you've come to expect from the name "Hitler!"
Would you would like to hear our specials? We have our world-famous grilled chicken sandwich, slow-marinated in the best Schwarzbier-based barbeque sauce. If that's not your speed, we also have a wonderful Weißwurst sandwich in Hitler's very own secret sauce!
And of course, being a funtime family eatery, we have a wide variety of items on our children's menu, all named after your favorite children's characters! May I recommend the Spongebob, which is merely a bratwurst with a side of sauerkraut. Or perhaps the Joseph Stalin, a plate of mini cheeseburgers with all the fixin's? We have a flavor to suit every taste, and everything on the menu is 100% guaranteed not to be Kosher!
Oh, I see you've noticed the krazy decorations plastered all over our walls! We have all-authentic World War II memorabilia to add atmosphere and help you relax and have a great time at Hitler's Good-Time Eat-a-torium! In fact, right above you is the very Nazi flag that honored Unkle Adolph's favorite Viennese bunker! Yes, that is authentic Allied blood, thanks for asking!
I can tell you're jonesing for dessert, and do we have a lineup of treats for you! We have a wonderful Pfannkuchen, or, if you're feeling especially daring, you could go with ein Rote Grütze.
Thank you very much for stopping by. We're open 24 hours, including weekends and most major holidays. Closed D-Day and VE-Day. Coming soon to Norway, France, the Netherlands, and worldwide! Please tell your friends and come again soon!
No Jews allowed.