Sunday, July 02, 2006

The Daily Chronicle: The Weekend of June 30, 2006 throiugh July 2, 2006

  • Knife detectors have been installed in Scotland train stations, and have been ruled a success because they have not found any knives. Wouldn't they only be successful if they actually found knives?

  • Ian McKellen is Britain's most infuential gay. Elton John cries under his gigantic sunglasses.

  • Doctors removed 119 rusty nails from a woman's stomach last week. When asked what she learned from the experience, the woman said, "I will never give another blowjob to the Tin Man."

  • A bank robber was caught this week for leaving a note with his home address at the scene of the crime. Maybe he was just lonely?

  • Five people died of a diarrhea bug this week. You read right. They shat themselves to death.

  • "Black men quietly combating stereotypes." Other black men loudly adhering to them.

  • John Kerry faces a long, difficult road to the 2008 Democratic nomination for the presidency. Stumbling block number one: Nobody liked him the first time.

  • "Morning-after" skin cream could prevent cancer; also, babies.

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