I've received a response to my simple, innocent suggestion. That suggestion? Bring on the Beefsteak! Unfortunately, the dining hall staff decided to play dumb. To recap, here is my original message.
Dear Kriner Staff:
It would be much appreciated if you could make Beefsteak a permanent menu fixture.
I then proceeded to sign it with the clever alias "Nick Sallade." The perfect crime!
Today I arrived at the dining hall, and went to the board in my utter excitement for Beefsteak. Apparently our University can neither confirm nor deny the existence of Beefsteak. Keep in mind that my clever alias is Nick Sallade.
I'm not sure exactly what you're talking about--let me know, thanks.
So now the nameless conspiracy has a face, and the faceless conspiracy has a name! Chef Trey! The fly in my ointment! The bee in my bonnet! The non-marshmallows in my Lucky Charms! In my ire, I decided to elaborate to this new villain, this phantom menace, about the wonders and joys of Beefsteak.
This is my response to the dastardly dastard, approximately.
Dear Chef Trey,
I am a Beefsteak fanatic. Beefsteak is the golden meat treat that's fun to eat. I have experienced Beefsteak here before, but only on rare occasions.
Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully the clever fiend will reply to my message. Mine is a message of peace. A message of harmony. A message of Beefsteak.
Until then, the current outlook is dire.