I was walkin' slow to a dirty dive

I received To: Elliott From: Portland for Christmas, which is a tribute album to the late, great Elliott Smith. As you may or may not know from reading around on my site, tribute albums tend to be hit-or-miss with me. There's a balance that needs to be met between honoring the song by staying fairly faithful and reimagining the song to give it the artist's own imprint. Obviously, it's never going to stand up to the classic, raw recordings from Smith himself (at least not for me, as I would probably rank Elliott as the best all-time musician), but how does it work as its own release, and does the disc do justice to Elliott's delicate songwriting?

I'd have to say that all-in-all it does a better job than many similar compilations, including several other Elliott Smith tribute albums I own. The album opens with a track by the most popular band on the compilation--The Decembrists--and I have to say that it is one of the weakest covers present. They take Smith's melancholy last-call melody, "Clementine," and turn it into some sort of campfire singalong. The pacing is much too slow and lilting. The good thing about having such a weak cover at the beginning of the album is that your enjoyment level can only go up from there. Right?

Pretty much, yeah. The Helio Sequence contributes a listenable-but-highly-forgettable version of "Satellite," and Dolorean has the album's first real winner with their "The Biggest Lie," which is transformed into some sort of country ballad (old country, though--not yer Shania Twain bullspit). The Thermals cover Either/Or's "Ballad of Big Nothing," and the cover works in spite of its whiny vocals.

It's at this point that the album kicks into gear (like a pimped-out sports car?). Almost everything from this point on is gold. The biggest mid-album stand-out is Eric Matthews' (the musician's, not the Boy Meets World character's) version of "Needle in the Hay." Elliott originally wrote the song to include expanded instrumentation, including the trumpet (which Matthews allegedly played for that version of Elliott's song). This version is a tribute to that, but so much more as well. While the original version (from Elliott's self-titled LP) is a driving acoustic downer of a song, Matthews incorporates Weezer-esque electric guitars, new riffs, and a horn section in tribute to Elliott's original mix. It's the most rousing track on the album, but somehow maintains the same oppressive feel as Elliott's more downbeat piece.

"Happiness" is another piece that turns the original song on its ear, but this time it's not as simple as the instrumentation. Lifesavas sampled Elliott's hummable chorus and wrote their own rap around it. I'm not a huge rap fan, but this piece works surprisingly well. It's nice to see something like this appearing on a compilation that for all intents and purposes could have (and almost did) stock itself entirely with indie-mope acoustickers.

The flow of the album is brought to a screeching halt, however, by the piece that proved to be the advertised selling-point of the album: Elliott's friend Sean Croghan's cover of a previously-unreleased song--"High Times." Elliott's version of this song leaked from an anonymous source a month or two before this compilation comes out. As such, the novelty wears off of Croghan's piece quickly, and it becomes easier to see it for what it is: a poor recording. I'm not an advocate of technically-talented singing--far from it. I listen to Lou Reed, who talks more than he sings; to Nick Cave, who drones his deep bass voice unpleasantly; to Tom Waits who rasps; hell, even to Elliott himself, who could be accused of whispering his lyrics and was certainly no crooner. However, Croghan does a poor job here, and he lacks one thing the aforementioned artists have: delivery.

To: Elliott From: Portland is surely an uneven work. The tracks range from the brilliant to the poorly conceived, with a significant amount of blah in the middle. However, that's entirely forgivable in a compilation of disparate artists, as there is no particular semblance of "flow." The album is worth a purchase if you're an Elliott freak, because there are some interesting reimaginings of his classic tracks, but I'd strongly recommend picking up one or two of Elliott's discs instead if you don't own them.

Eric Matthews: Needle in the Hay
Lifesavas: Happiness
Elliott Smith: Needle in the Hay
Elliott Smith: Happiness

I know when somebody's lying

I like depressing music. Love it. For whatever reason, it puts me in a good mood. Maybe it lets me put things in perspective: "at least I am not addicted to the drugs!" or "perhaps horrifying cancer IS worse than being bored on a Tuesday!" I like the morose (Morrissey, performer of such classics as "Life is a Pigsty") and the downright sad (Oh, Elliott Smith!). While song for song, I enjoy the aforementioned artists more than others, I have to say that my favorite genre of sad music is "lonesome." Willie Nelson perfected it, but Chris Isaak is perhaps the modern, miserable equivalent.

It's hard to say what makes music "lonesome" as opposed to "sad." Obviously there's the definitional differences between the two--lonesome is specifically about a lack of something, whereas sad is more general. However, I would characterize lonesome music with its soulful singers and spare instrumentation. Most of the music on Forever Blue is performed on nothing but acoustic guitars, bass, and light drums. There are sometime occurrences of horns and keys, but they are used conservatively throughout the music.

This particular album (which I got for about three bucks at a going-out-of-business sale) is probably best known for its first two tracks. "Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing" exudes raw sexuality, and later came to underscore the hardcore, Kubrickian love of famous midget Tom Cruise and his then-wife Nicole Kidman. "Somebody's Crying" is probably the saddest song on the album and the biggest hit. You might better remember it as "That song that causes everybody to mislabel Chris De Burgh's 'Lady in Red' as a Chris Isaak song on P2P servers." Both of these songs are wonderful, but they're merely the tip of the iceberg that is one of the best miserablist albums of the nineties.

While "Somebody's Crying" is easily the most memorable and singable song on the disc, the third track, "Graduation Day," is the actual album standout. The sad soundscape is potentially the best fit for that feeling that I'm assuming we all got upon our high-school graduation, or any time that we hit a benchmark that will change the remainder of our lives: complete and utter hollowness. "Driving slowly, watching the headlights in the rain/Funny how things change," and later "A million dreams have all gone bad." Yeah, it's depressing, but I know I'm not the only one who felt the same thing when I got out of school. This one will definitely be on my iPod come my college graduation in May.

To only delve into one song is a discredit to the rest of the album, which is equally soul-crushingly beautiful. However, this is not ChrisIsaakIsASexyBeast.com (yet). The disc is thirteen songs that are incredibly moving, but never overstay their welcome (no track hits the four-minute mark). It's easy to overproduce the music of a brilliant, primarily-acoustic songwriter (see: Dan Bern's Breathe and Mike Errico's Pictures of the Big Vacation, for starters). There is a delicate balance struck here, where the music is definitely polished but still sounds like a live band, perhaps in the corner of a dank New Orleans bar. It's a recommended disc if you like sad music. If yer walkin' on sunshine? Come back to the real world already.

Chris Isaak: Graduation Day

There's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

For all of the cheesy pop music and depressing, mopey indie rock that I listen to, none of that is the focus of my music collection. I am instead steeped in film scores. My primary collections are John Williams and Danny Elfman, but I have hundreds of discs that include film scores that, in one way or another, moved me. I needed to give you that background so that you won't think I'm crazy when I say that my most anticipated album of 2006 was Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers: The Complete Recordings.

Perhaps the greatest accomplishment in film scoring over the past ten years (even surpassing the excellent films themselves) was Howard Shore's work on Lord of the Rings. I must admit that I had very little interest in the first film, The Fellowship of the Ring, in the months that led up to its release. I bought the score first, with the promise that I would be in for some epic choral work. I was so moved by the score that I rushed out and saw Fellowship on opening day with my friend Chris. The movie was, obviously, a successful venture.

Nothing excited me more than the prospect of another score release in the coming year. And sure enough, The Two Towers came along. Howard Shore was once again in top form, although the tone of both the film and the score changed for sure. Gone were the beautiful, carefree melodies of The Shire (which were my favorite pieces of Fellowship), and in their place were the pounding rhythms of orc armies and the dreary and mysterious percussion of Fangorn Forest. Despite the bleak nature of things, there is great beauty within the score. The stand-out theme (among the dozens used in the film, both recurring and new) is associated with Rohan, and it's the music that you'll probably find yourself humming after watching the film on DVD. Often played by the hardinger fiddle, Shore's melody manages to capture the folksy grandeur of the civilization of horse masters.

Of course, this was all available on the original soundtrack, which was much cheaper and took up less space. Is the upgrade worth it? Well, that depends. Many of the key moments of the original film were included on the first album. The Rohan theme is there, as are the emotional pieces underscoring Gandalf's return and Sam's speech to Frodo. If you are a casual fan, the OST will suffice. I won't be giving it up, as it's a nice arrangement and more suitable to brief playthroughs.

If you're willing to make the time commitment (and the money commitment), The Complete Recordings is the only way to go. Shore's music, perhaps more than any film score piece before it, tells a story without the hindrance of the pictures on-screen, probably due in-part to the fact that Shore did so much research within Tolkien's original novel. In the same way that each faction of Middle Earth--say, the Elves or the Dwarves--has their own armor and technology, each faction has their own distinctive musical style, instrumentation, and thematic infrastructure. It is the development of these cultures, and their inevitable meeting (or clashing) that tells the story. Lord of the Rings is almost operatic, in a sense.

Obviously, there is a wealth of material on this release (which clocks in at over three hours) that has never before been released. In fact, some of the material on this volume wasn't even included in the film, excised for directorial or editorial purposes. Rohan is much more than the aforementioned fiddle solo, and we are given a full soundscape as we follow the journey from Edoras to Helm's Deep. The battle of Helm's Deep is finally given proper due. The battle fills almost the entire third disc, and the brutal clash is a wonder to behold. If you thought that Gandalf's return to Helm's Deep was beautiful in the film (or on the original soundtrack album), you'll be surprised to find it even more powerful on this release due to the added, unreleased context on both ends.

Buying the album will also get you Part Two in Doug Adams' series of liner notes discussing, among other things, Shore's use of themes. This is a handy guide that will elaborate on, for instance, all of the different motifs dedicated to the Hobbits. You don't need Part One of the series (available in Fellowship's complete recordings) to "get" the themes from the first film, as they are pointed out in this volume as well. As if this massive booklet wasn't enough, Adams has released dozens of additional pages analyzing the score track-by-track on the official Rings soundtrack site.

If you have one of those hoity-toity digital sound systems, the box set also includes the entire score in DVD Audio and Dolby 5.1 sound. I hear it's fantastic. My "surround sound" cost me fifty bucks at Wal Mart.

If you're going to buy this one, I think it's safe to say that you'll need to buy its predecessor, Fellowship of the Ring: The Complete Recordings, as well. Towers, like the film itself, is the middle act of a trilogy. If you only buy one volume, you'll be missing on the context and expansion of its two companions. If you're looking for just a taste, I'd recommend sticking to the original release from 2002. It is still an excellent piece, if incomplete, and you'll probably find yourself aching for more.

In the words of Homer Simpson, "Now we play the waiting game." Lord of the Rings: Return of the King: The Complete Recordings is due out in 2007, and a release of alternates and rarities is coming at some point thereafter. Doug Adams' book on the subject of Howard Shore's score is also due next year, so keep your eyes open if you're as geeky as I am.

Howard Shore: Edoras

People you hate will get their hooks into you

There seem to be three schools of thought on the evolution of Cake (the band, not the food). One seems to think that the band has reached a state of stylistic stagnation, and that all of their most work is jarringly similar to that of their early albums. The second thinks that Cake is enjoyable, and while they aren't doing anything new or revolutionary, they are some of the finest fun-music makers working today. The third doesn't know who Cake is.

I fall into the second group, although I'd even argue that the band has clearly branched out a bit from its breakthrough hits Motorcade of Generosity and Fashion Nugget. There's very little on the market that matches the sheer energy of Cake. Almost every song they've released has been instantly singable, hummable, clappable, and danceable. The band is as fun as the music--for instance, watching lead singer John McCrea performing various percussion instrumentation with a look of joy on his face is something to behold.

Their most recent piece was 2006's Pressure Chief. As many critics point out, it is more of the same in many ways. It's still the bouncy California pop that Cake fans have come to know and love. However, there are several notable variations to the Cake repertoire. This album incorporates electronic instruments and noises to great effect, and it's a production technique that would be hard to find on their previous releases. This occurs throughout the album, but is probably used to best effect in "Take It All Away" and "Palm of Your Hand."

As with most albums by most artists, there are a number of lesser tracks on there. "Carbon Monoxide" may be the most peppy and fun song on the album, but it seems a bit out of place. Cake's cover of Bread's "The Guitar Man" is interesting, but just sort of sits there in the middle of the album. "Waiting" isn't bad, but it reminds me of "Bread and Butter" by The Newbeats for reasons that I'm sure we'll never know.

My favorite track on the disc by far is "End of the Movie," which seems to be the complete antithesis of Cake. The instrumentation is light. It's essentially an acoustic guitar, a fiddle, and McCrae's earnest voice. Coupled with it are some of Cake's best, wryest lyrics (not that Cake is known for its poetry, but...you know...). "People you love will turn their backs on you. You'll lose your hair. Your teeth. Your knife will fall out of its sheath. But you still don't like to leave before the end of the movie." The song also utilizes another of my favorite musical techniques--the false ending. Wonderful.

Other stand-outs are "Wheels," "Palm of Your Hand," and "Tougher Than It Is." Any one of these three songs would be a great choice to introduce the band to an uninitiated friend, as they're optimistic and easy-to-dance-to tracks that incorporate the trademark horns and twanging electric guitar so often associated with Cake. It may not be the best Cake album--an honor which goes to either Fashion Nugget or Comfort Eagle--but it's certainly a fun and easy listen. Pop it in your car stereo on your next drive and you'll be singing in no time.

Cake: End of the Movie
Cake: Palm of Your Hand

Problems don't worry us when half the fun is guessing

December 24

Roo is full of Christmas cheer. Christmas Eve is finally here!

Emmet Otter's Jug Band: Bar-B-Cue
The Nightmare: Riverbottom Nightmare Band
Ma Otter and Emmet Otter's Jug Band: Our World/Brothers

And the number one greatest Christmas special ever to be about Christmas is Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas. This should be no surprise if you've ever seen it, because you'd have been blown away. Then you would own it on DVD. Then you would be watching it RIGHT NOW.

The show has very little to do with Christmas, but it has everything to do with togetherness. The music is written by Paul Williams, who also wrote the music to The Muppet Movie. Frogtown Hollow is having its annual talent show, and both Emmet and his Ma want the prize money so that they can buy one another Christmas presents. Their acts eventually fall short to the glory that is "Riverbottom Nightmare Band," but they end up winners in the end when they realize that what they REALLY needed was each other.

I'd write more, but it's all been said before. And better.

FRUITCAKE!?

December 23

Baking cookies makes Pooh grin. Soon the eating will begin!

Pee-Wee Herman: Christmas in the Playhouse
Charo: Feliz Navidad

And bringing us to number two on our "Greatest Christmas Specials" list: Pee-Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special (now available on DVD)! Just listen to that first track--Christmas in the Playhouse--and you'll understand the excitement that could be found. In the special's brief fifty minutes, there are appearances by Magic Johnson, Oprah Winfrey, Frankie Avalon, kd lang, Grace Jones, the Del Rubio Triplets, and many, many, MANY more!

One of those "many more"s is Charo, everybody's favorite Latina sparkplug. Viewers of VH1's The Surreal Life will find solace in the fact that Charo was batshit insane a decade before she moved into a house with Flava Flav.

Pee-Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special is responsible for the only prize I've ever won. Over the holidays when I was eight years old, some prime-time radio DJ was holding a random Christmas trivia contest. He asked about the holiday gift that was deemed "the worst Christmas gift." Somehow I got to be the tenth caller, and I answered "FRUITCAKE!" The DJ didn't ask, but I could have regaled him with tales of the time Pee-Wee Herman built an entire movie theater out of fruitcakes and subsequently masturbated inside of it. I won a case of Pepsi and a tee-shirt. Jealous?

Watch out for that icy patch

December 22

While making cookies topped with sprinkles, Piglet's eyes are bright with twinkles.

The Muppets: We Need A Little Christmas
The Muppets: We Wish You a Merry Christmas

A Muppet Family Christmas is the third greatest Christmas special of all time (stay tuned for numbers two and one). There are several other specials involving the various groups--The Muppet Christmas Carol, any number of made-for-television Muppets shows, Christmas Eve on Sesame Street. However, they all come together for this show! The Muppets! Sesame Street! Fraggle Rock! All of these classic character converge on Fozzie Bear's childhood home, imposing on his mother and delighting the snowman that lives in the yard. Even Jim Henson himself comes to the party.

These songs are wonderful. There is also a medley at the end that is heart-warming to the max, but the DVD mangles it due to music-rights issues. Alas. Some day!

Wokka wokka wokka!

So, this is Christmas...

December 21

Lots of parties, lots of guests, that's what makes this season best.

John Lennon: Merry Xmas (War is Over)
The Jackson 5: Little Drummer Boy

Grab bag! These are two songs I had lined up for this countdown, except I realized that I miscounted. I had one extra, and so here they are. No apparent connection. One is a beautiful new song written by one of the most talented songwriters ever to be born, and one is a holiday classic performed by one of the biggest pop stars ever to live. Both are pretty good. Enjoy.

We're getting to the final stretch here. Stop what you're doing and breathe.

Gonna hitch a ride with old Saint Nick

December 20

Tigger's busy as can be helping decorate the tree.

Jimmy Donley: Santa! Don't Pass Me By

Here's another sad Christmas song. If you need something to think about while this tune brings you down in the dumps, look in your checkbook. You recently spent hundreds of dollars on Christmas presents! Good job.

Santa Claus is coming! Hear the bajos strumming!

December 19

Pooh's Christmas list looks kind of funny. All he wants for Christmas? Hunny!

Surfjan Stevens: Come On! Let's Boogey to the Elf Dance!

I may be disgracing the thick, black glasses on my face by admitting this, but I've never heard anything by Surfjan Stevens with the exception of this song. If this is any indicator, I should really go out and buy an album or three.

This song has jingle bells, which is exciting! The tone echoes The Polyphonic Spree, and the lyrics represent pure, saccharine awesomeness. "Chestnuts and fire! Holly and hay! Jesus and Mary! What a great day!" I can't make heads or tails of it, to be honest, but the words certainly merit all of those exclamation points. It's a wonderful, happy palate-cleanser between "Blue Christmas" and whatever other equally-suicidal Christmas tracks you want to listen to.

It is the night of the Christmas trees and pie

December 18

Don't forget in wintry weather all your little friends with feathers.

The Carpenters: O Holy Night
John Williams: O Holy Night

"O Holy Night" is my absolute favorite Christmas song, but I don't have an awful lot to say about it. There's something about the chord changes in this song that feel more like Christmas than any number of silly novelty songs ever will.

Here are two of my favorite versions of the song--a choral version from the movie Home Alone and an instrumental version performed by The Carpenters.

The insomnia and the anxiety kids get from having to wait

December 17

Christmas books are fun to share all curled up in a cozy chair.

Garfield: Gimme Gimme Gimme
Garfield: Can't Wait Til Christmas

If A Charlie Brown Christmas is my holiday classic, and if the Muppets are the stars of all my sentimental favorites, Garfield is the underdog. Every time I pop in A Garfield Christmas Special, I never seem to be expecting much. I associate the cartoon too much with the newspaper comic strip, which has become a mockery of its former self. And yet, every time I watch it, I'm moved by the sentiment of it all. Garfield's television efforts have all been fairly solid, and his holiday specials--especially his Halloween show, but all of them--are really fantastic. So pick up the Garfield Holiday DVD if you get the chance.

These are my personal-rips from the DVD, complete with not-wonderful sound quality. Still, it's probably the only place you'll find the files, so enjoy it and clean it up yo'self.

But it's not like Christmas at all

December 16

Tigger's scarf is just the thing to keep him warm until it's spring.

Darlene Love: Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
Johnny Mathis: Do You Hear What I Hear?

It's a double whammy today, with two of the greatest classic Christmas tunes of all time. Not coincidentally, both of these songs are featured prominently in perennial Christmas classic Gremlins. I'm not sure if my love for these songs is contingent on that film, or if my love for the film is contingent on the use of these songs. Either way, it's kismet, baby, and now you can illegally download it.

We can hardly stand the wait

December 15

So many Christmas cards to send! What fun to have so many friends!

The Chipmunks: Jingle Bells
The Chipmunks: The Night Before Christmas

Everybody knows "The Chipmunk Song," and it's great. But it's also tired. Here are a few lesser-heard classics from some guy named Dave that knew how to speed up his voice. Not Christmas-related, but The Chipmunk Adventure is one of the best children's movies ever made. And you can take that one to the bank.

Billy Joel? Let's trade him!

December 14

A Christmas wreath is bright and cheery even when the weather's dreary.

Atom and His Package: What WE Do on Christmas
Chris Isaak: Dreidel, Dreidel (Live)

Here are a few Hannukkah-related songs that don't involve Adam Sandler. They are, however, novelties. Christmas is the only time of the year that novelty songs or parodies are especially welcome (do you HEAR me, Weird Al?).

"What WE Do on Christmas" is about the one day of the year that Jews can congregate to plan their world-domination conspiracies: Christmas! Did you know that Jews killed Princess Diana? I did. I knew it all along.

Chris Isaak's "Dreidel, Dreidel" is the traditional song, but it's performed in the styles of classic country musicians such as Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson.

Merry Jew-Mas

Last year, I embarrassed myself a little bit around a family friend. As many of you know, I tend to make smart-assed comments when I have nothing else to say. I was at church last Christmas Eve, and I made a snide comment about celebrating Hannukkah in front of an acquaintance, not thinking that it could in any way be offensive. Only seconds later did I remember that she had married a young Jewish man several years prior, and had since converted. I bit my tongue and slid away from that conversation at the next possible gap.

Eight dancing midgets!

December 13

A letter to Santa might help him remember the toys he should bring on his trip in December.

Cast of Twin Peaks: The Twelve Days of Christmas

To those of you who have watched the classic television series Twin Peaks: you're in for a treat. To those of you who haven't: don't worry. We're as confused about the whole thing as the rest of you.

Agent Cooper, Pete, Bobby, Lucy, and even Killer BOB get in on the holiday spirit, counting down such iconic gifts as percolated fish and talking logs.

Every day, once a day, give yourself a present

My brother tried to show me Twin Peaks when I was in fourth grade, but I didn't make it very far. The murderous nature of the plot coupled with David Lynch's astonishing style frightened the shit out of me, and I quit shortly after Cooper's first dream.

The first time I watched Twin Peaks the whole way through was over a Christmas break from elementary school. While other kids in the neighborhood were busy sledding or playing capture the flag in the snow, I was busy conquering my fears and solving the murder of Laura Palmer. Aside from the song above, there is nothing Christmassy about Twin Peaks, but ever since I finished the series in that marathon sprint, I've associated Twin Peaks with Christmas. I later introduced the series to my first girlfriend on a Christmas whim, and that was the only other time I had finished the entire series. If all comes to fruition, I may cap off another viewing marathon this December or January.

What a festive season. Someday you'll be dead.

December 12

Kanga's proud as she can be. Roo's wrapped his presents perfectly.

Trey Parker: Dead Dead Dead
Eric Cartman: Swiss Colony Beef Log

I really could have put the entire South Park holiday album, "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics," up for download without regrets--every track on the disc is pure gold. There are classic revisions of South Park's classic moments--Kyle singing about being a Jew on Christmas, or Cartman crooning "O Holy Night" (It is the night with the Christmas trees and pie!)--but these are by far my favorites.

"Dead Dead Dead" is a depressing song at first glance. As indicated by the title, the word "dead" is repeated in almost every line. "There's nothing you can do to stop it." "It could happen in a couple months or fifty years from now." Every up comes with a soul-crushing down, but that's how life is. In the end, whether Parker intends for it or not, the song delivers a message of enjoying the holiday season while you still can.

I can't get any deeper meaning out of "Swiss Colony Beef Log." Cartman really wants a beef log, and he sings a Springsteen-esque rocker about it. Enjoy.

See also: the "Christmas Classics" episode of South Park, which includes a tear-inducing farewell to
voice actress Mary Kay Bergman, who had killed herself shortly after recording the album.

Years from now, perhaps we'll see

December 11

Christmas gifts in hiding places fill up all the empty spaces!

Bing Crosby and David Bowie: Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth

I wasn't born yet when it happened, but I'd imagine this was either that greatest moment in television history or the most anger-inducing. Kids everywhere saw their androgynous rock hero, David Bowie, besweatered and standing next to their parents' favorite crooner, Bing Crosby. When they were put together, though, the results were more glorious than anybody could possibly imagine (much like the fateful collision of Richard Peanutbutter and James Chocolate).

That slushy nonsense makes me ill

December 10

Christmas music fills the air with fa-la-la-ing everywhere.

Oscar the Grouch: I Hate Christmas
Sesame Street Cast: True Blue Miracle

Christmas Eve on Sesame Street is one of the best Christmas specials ever made. As is common with amazing Christmas specials, it has Jim Henson's stinkin' hands all over it. Bert and Ernie enact a "Gift of the Magi" situation with Mr. Hooper; Cookie Monster eats a reel-to-reel tape recorder; and Big Bird just wants to see Santa Claus.

"I Hate Christmas" is one of those songs that I don't think would get a whole lot of play these days on Sesame Street. For some reason, that kind of negativity (even if it's in character for The Grouch) doesn't seem to me like it would fly.

On the other hand, "True Blue Miracle" has proven all too update-able. The original version from the special is performed by the human Sesame Street stars like Gordon. This version is sullied by Elmo. ELMO. ELMO. Elmo is the forbear of the death of Sesame Street. When you have a television show attempting to educate children, it is probably a backwards idea to bring in a baby-talking character to confuse the syntax of the world's youth.

Elmo or no, "True Blue Miracle" is a beautiful Christmas song that deserves to work its way into some sort of regular Christmas carol roatation.

Noise, noise, noise, noise

December 9

Nice hot cocoa, sweet and yummy, cures the rumbly in the tummy.

Ben Folds: Lonely Christmas Eve
Ben Folds: Bizarre Christmas Incident

I'm not sure how true it is, but Ben Folds claims that he wrote "Bizarre Christmas Incident" (sample lyric: "Santa is a big, fat fuck") for the soundtrack to Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas. Obviously, that didn't fly, so legend has it that he wrote the far more appropriate "Lonely Christmas Eve" for the album instead. Either way, here is your piano-rock for the season.

Churchin' It Up

I rarely go to church anymore--a fact I chalk up in part to the fact that I was forced to go every Sunday until I graduated high school, and in part to the fact that beliefs and I tend to drift away from one another more often than not. Still, there is one church service that I would not miss: Christmas Eve's nighttime service.

The massive nave of our church is always beautiful, but it's never more beautiful than when it's glowing with well over a hundred candles. The choir is always in top form, and instrumental soloists are par for the course. Even for somebody as uninspired as myself, every Christmas Eve is a spiritual experience. The family gathers together in our front pews. Sometimes my sister and I make faces at one another. Sometimes people cry. All in all, though, every December 24 is a sort of rebirth for me. I'm looking forward to it.