- Heidi Klum wants to have many, many more hideous musician-babies with Seal.
- Bill Clinton hates turning sixty. Because that means his girlfriends are all nearing thirty.
- A cancer-ridden teen has decided to go without chemotherapy, instead choosing an alternate cure of organic diet and some herbal remedies. If that fails, I have some pocket lint I can lend him. It's the next big treatment.
- Getting married is a surefire cure for depression. The day after you get married is a surefire cause of depression.
- "JonBenet murder suspect to be sent home Sunday." There he will eat a sandwich, watch some television.
- A California woman is suing because she was attacked by a mannequin. No comment necessary.
- "Grandma, 41, among Army's older recruits." Hopefully she'll live until 55 to see her great-grandchildren.
- "Kerry calls Lieberman 'new Cheney.'" Leiberman calls Kerry "who?"
- "Arizona man stung to death by 'killer' bees." Really, the quote marks around "killer" seem kind of contradictory, don't they?
Seal is absolutely one of the ugliest men on the planet. I don't understand celebrities who have tons of money not getting themselves fixed up. Like Owen Wilson and his jacked up nose!
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